quixotic explorations

Summer is almost over. I don't really know what to think -- I'm disappointed because there is so much I want to do before school starts but I feel I have very little time left. For some reason it's so much harder to be creative and do things during school because there is always something hanging over my head - homework, tests, projects... it's just a big ball of stress that I hate.

Exploration is a theme I try to keep ever present in my life. My aspirations are often quixotic and seemingly unattainable, but I credit my drive to explore and take risks to my determination and curiosity. To me, exploring is creating, whether it's in my paintings, photographs, or attempts to make everyday life into what feels like a movie scene. Perhaps all of that is superfluous, but it keeps things interesting, new, and my heart racing. 

Sometimes I feel like all the stress that comes with school robs me of my curiosity to explore. It seems there is never enough time to take a deep breath and delve into a project without suddenly remembering a test I need to study for or an essay that needs to be written. School forces you to constantly live in the what's to come rather than living in the now. It's as if you're invariably running a race where the finish line keeps moving further and further away from you, forcing you to keep running faster and faster while inadvertently ignoring what you could discover and create if you simply took a moment to stop and walk through the unfamiliar.

School makes you rush through life. You learn to ace the test, and then you learn some more to ace the next one. There is no time to understand, explore, or question the information presented to you. Everything is incontrovertible. Respect is demanded rather than earned. Teachers are far from impartial. Sometimes it seems that schools are more corrupt than government.

These are a selection of photographs that have been saved on my desktop for quite some time. I've kept them because they intrigue me, excite me, and inspire me. To me these photos and artworks represent what is out of my reach, but something I soon hope to grasp. 

My favorite Gustav Klimt piece

Marie-France Pizier

Matto Cocci

I think this is a vintage photograph of New Zealand

Lina Scheynius

Lina Scheynius is a photographer living in London. She was born in Vänersborg, Sweden, but grew up in Trollhättan. Lina began taking photos at ten years old, and has since then made what was a hobby into a career. Her photographs illustrate an honest portrayal of young adulthood. I love the honesty and truth in her work -- she captures moments, and is able to showcase the beauty in the everyday simplicity  of life. These are some of my favorite photos that I've selected from her various series'.

My favorite one of her photos. 

ice cream screamin'

I'm wearing a vintage ski jacket from the 80s (courtesy of the mother), a Lady Gaga concert tee, Nasty Gal high waist jeans, Doc Martens, my purse is from a Tibetan store and I got the necklace from a street vendor. Ice cream is salted caramel and DELICIOUS. I also  included a couple screenshots from my tumblr.

I wore this outfit a couple weeks ago on a summer outing with my friend Emily. We got ice cream and swung at the park for like an hour. I think simple days are some of the best - timeless and relaxing and glorious. The days where you feel excited when nothing is happening... those are my favorite kinds.

Later when we were on the bus, we were sitting near (I next to) this SUPER drunk guy that reeked of dirt and cigarettes and nastiness; he was being really loud and obnoxious. After continual announcements that he was gonna hurl, Emily and  I abruptly got up and moved seats. We ended up sitting near two twenty-somethings, and we chatted it up. They were super cool and nice and high. When they got off, Emily and I moved next to each other, and then suddenly the gross drunk dirty man appears in front of us and says, LET ME GIVE YOU GIRLS A BIG KISS. I'm just thinking, FUCK NO YOU SHIT HEAD GET OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I KICK YOU IN THE NUTS and I immediately bolt up and run off the bus as Emily shoves his face away and follows.

What an ass hole. I hope he falls in a gutter and breaks all his teeth.