outta state outta town outta my mind

Hello hello.

Haven't posted for a while because I was away at this med program.

I learned a lot of things, the most important being I do not want to be a doctor.

I also learned I am more independent, social, and capable than I thought.

***

I am obsessed with adolescence. It's so sacred to me I can't even describe it. It's like the sun to our solar system, the other planets being the other periods in our lives, and while all our beautiful, none are as powerful, strong, or as bright as the sun. 

I will be honest and say that while I do not regret any moments I've experienced throughout my teen years, there are definitely moments that are lacking. Like some photographs, these moments are bury and shattered with light leaks. I devour imperfection at a rapid pace. Flawed scenery, flawed people, flaws in nature, cracks on the sidewalk. Beauty is the unconventional, and like beauty, teendom is about the messiness, the sloppy moments, the blurry photographs that are shattered with light leaks.

Whether blurry or focused, light leaked or clear, I am still missing many photographs.

17, 18, 19. Those are the years I have left. Three years of teendom.

But we all know that 19 doesn't really count.

17, 18.

But when you turn 18, you're an adult.

17. 

I feel like that's all I have left. Just one more year.

What then?

I want a collection of photographs. I want the light leaks, the blurred edges, the dazed expressions. The sloppy moments breed experience, story. Our past fuels our future, but what is to be our future will inevitably become our past.

What then?

lined woman drawing by Alexi K, photographs of american teenagers taken by Joseph Szabo, 1969-1988

mad to talk, mad to be saved

“Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.” 

-George Carlin

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

-Jack Kerouac from On The Road

photographs of american teenagers taken by Joseph Szabo, 1969-1988

Teendom is probably the biggest fantasy I could ever think to experience. It's just a completely symbolic time period. It's a symbol of freedom and rebellion and I just love everything being a teen stands for.