5/10/12

where are the butterflies?

A mish-mosh of my thoughts. Of my brain.

I love butterflies. They are just so simple and beautiful and easy and nice and free. Disgusted by caterpillars... yet a lover of butterflies? The world is a sad place.

SMILE! You're alive!

Poop.

Haven't worn a crown in a while.... a symbol of my seemingly increasing "outfit insecurity?" I hope not. I need to be brave!

The moment when I need to  pee  poop but I'm too lazy to get up.

I feel like life should be easier. I wish the stress and angst and anxiety wasn't a factor in growing up, but at the same time I feel like it's a necessity in order to fully mature and become smarter/cooler/wiser/more awesome. It seems unfair that you're intelligence is tested at school. I think the world is a pretty fucked up place, so I'm pretty dang thankful I live in such a pretty, somewhat surrealistic city. It always feel magical, overflowing with aesthetic pleasures that seem to reference my favorite movies, TV shows, songs, albums, and inspiring people.

Final exams don't test whether a student has learned a semesters worth of material, they test a students ability to memorize all the information they've learned in a semester. STUUUUPIIIIIIDDD.

It's weird how light and shadows transmit images to our MINDS.

Psychedelia.

My bedroom feels empty of a teenage presence.

Those of us who have a deep desire to live in another decade always seem to romanticize all the shit that took place. Like, the 60s, we all love the 60s, but do we love the oppression and objectification of women? Um, no. But we choose to ignore that it was there, ignore it's presence. It's pretty fucked up, but that aspect of "looking through rose colored glasses" is present in everything. We don't want to acknowledge the bad, upsetting crap, so we ignore it. It's a pretty bad habit, actually. You can't forget the horrible stuff that went on in days/months/years/decades past. Because you need to be aware of the horrible stuff, in order to grow, mature, learn, and appreciate all the greatness that goes on, and it's important to remember. You can't ignore the fact that the Holocaust happened, and that innocent people were MURDERED and KILLED and SCARRED EMOTIONALLY AS WELL AS PHYSICALLY. You can't ignore it, and you can't pretend it's not there, or that it didn't happen, because those people who went through that crap deserve to be remembered, and their suffering deserves to be recognized, which sounds weird, but it's true. They suffered so you could live a better life. The Holocaust was horrible and evil and makes me want to cry when I really think about it/read about it, but in some ways, didn't it almost have to happen? Or didn't something like it HAVE to happen? Because if it didn't, or if something like it didn't happen, we probably wouldn't have the laws that protect us against that stuff today. We all romanticize the stuff we don't want to be there, or the stuff we don't want to hear. We choose to ignore the stuff that upsets us, or convince ourselves it's less of an issue. Even in small things, like that snarky comment you said to your friend; you feel guilty, but you convince yourself they didn't hear, or they didn't care, you romanticize the moment so you can feel better. This ends it on a weird note... pretty narcissistic.

Nuns are pretty cool. They just intrigue me. Especially those awesome rebel nuns.

I think my style is gravitating toward a soft/whimsical/fairy-esque feel, which is bothering me? I feel like my style is.... labeling me? Is this weird? I just don't want to LOOK like a soft little bubblegum fairy. But at the same time, everything I put on just SCREAMS FAIRY. I like it, but I also don't...




5/4/12

hello mickey

This is my favorite jacket. It's this semi-retro Mickey Mouse jean jacket from the disney store that blows the roof off my house with its awesomeness. I bought it from my friend for $3, and I wear it all the time. It definitely has some great 80s/90s vibes, which is perfect for my life and obsession with the 80s/90s. I feel like this 2012-ish era is going back to the styles of the 90s/60s/80s... grungy/neon/leggings/collars/bandanas/keds/ankle socks, etc, but then again maybe only my city is going back to those decades... WHO KNOWS. I am honestly so ashamed of how I've been dressing lately. It's just so mundane and typical, not original or exciting or daring or experimental at all! And I'm not hating on the more simple dressers or the world, I just really want to be a unique dresser, and I'm failing at doing so! I think part of the problem is that I haven't found my style niche, so I'm still trying to find my style comfort zone. I really need to start getting back into my weird-dressing stage of life. #YOLO (das da motto.)

I think my main issue here is that I am just extremely bored of my clothes, and I've basically exhausted all possible possibilities of ways to style/wear them. I just need to go on a major thrift store adventure and bring home a huge clothing haul of like, 20 items so I have TONS of new stuff to wear/style/make look awesome. I think awesome is an unappreciated adjective... people just feel that it's such a normal, boring adjective that they diminish all its great qualities and sassy essence.

POOOOOOOOOOOOP

Funk mood. Let's party.




5/2/12

teen spirit in a mundane fashion

I have been in such a terrible mood. I've seriously come home everyday from school and just wanted to crawl into my bed and cry. This makes absolutely no sense, considering usually my school days are decent. People are nice to me, I talk to my friends, make new friends, laugh, get good grades, and then I just get into these horrible mood funks and life sucks. I feel so selfish when I'm in those "ihatemylifeleavemealoneijustwanttocrywhydoesntanyonelikemeifeelsoalone" moods, because I feel like I really have nothing to be unhappy about. I have a really good life, and yet I'm still unhappy... WHAT IS THIS? I suppose this is most likely just the so called "average teenage girl mood swings" but it just SUCKS. I want to be happy, and yet I feel more unhappy, than happy? It's just so weird and life is so emotional and complicated even though my life really isn't complicated at all and is actually quite simple compared to most of the shitty stuff people go through.

Here is a playlist I made to help express teen angst and longing. I sound so mundane, it's kind of pathetic. I've seriously been so boring though lately. The reason I haven't posted any outfits recently is because I've been too tired to dress decently in the mornings. I'm losing my motivation, this is not good! I need to get some new clothes to help inspire my obsession for dressing.

I'm in the mood to post some photos, so here are some that have been on my desktop for ages. I've lost most of the sources, so if you know the source just let me know.









screen shot from The Heathers, four unknowns, poem by E. E. Cummings, Tim Walker, picture from Where the Wild Things Are, unknown, unknown.

I wish my life was like these photographs, all pretty and interesting and mysterious and quirky and stuff.