teenage angst... the meaning of life?

I changed the URL for the diary collective to TeenageDiaryCollective.tumblr.com

hello hello. So far my teenage diary collective is going swimmingly. (check out the original post here). I've already gotten some submissions which is both exciting and encouraging, and people already seem to be enjoying it so yay! Thanks to those of you who have submitted! If you haven't yet don't hesitate to do so! It can be anonymous if it's a personal entry and it's a fun way to spread your diary creativity and such. Feel free to help spread ze word via tweetin or blog postin or tumblrin or somethin.  (hiiiiiiiint). I also found this cool thing where people read their diary entries and it's really awesome and perfect and audible rather than tangible which is incredibly enjoyable and satisfying when you need some aesthetic assistance to your angstiest of days and when that Nirvana song just isn't doing the trick. Teenage Diary is kind of a homage to my love for journals and diaries; they are so mysterious and house so many unspoken secret thoughts, opinions, feelings, and ideas. Diaries are like the other half to a person, the parts of themselves they would never share with or expose to the world. They're like the holy grail of secrets and confessions and feelings and teen angst. 

Even though angst can suck I love feeling angsty purely for the experience of being an angsty teenager and how being in that very state of angst helps enable me to live vicariously through cool people in movies and TV shows, like Ivy (my favorite movie) and Lisa and Paulie. Sometimes being hormonal sucks but other times it's just great because it helps you to achieve the full experience of teendom as well as all its highs and lows, which I treasure, which is weird of me. I feel like being a teenager is the best time ever because of how it's this time to venture into new directions and take risks and be a freak or a geek and laugh too loud and get depressed and scream and shave your head and make out with guys you don't know the name of and spend all night going to random diners and spying on people with your best friend and running through fields yelling the lyrics to some song by Stevie Nicks and starting a band that never ends up rehearsing or performing and redecorating your room a thousand times over, each time to represent the new you that will inevitably change tomorrow. I just love that. I know I'm looking at this in a totally romanticized perspective, because some people are actually clinically depressed which isn't fun for the experience and is actually serious and horrible and not enjoyable in the slightest bit, but other times the roller coaster that is teendom, for me at least, is really exciting and fun even when I feel like crap.

to represent how concerts seem to be a right of passage for life and a huge part of teendom

to represent the importance of journals diaries in the lives of many teens

to represent that fun with friends is timeless

to represent hating society and being independent

to represent having fun at the beach

to represent that fabulosity of paul mccartney

to represent the importance and awesomeness of david bowie in one's life

to represent that slut shaming is wrong and that it's virtually impossible to actually be a slut

hello human, you're alive

Hey dudes. I really wish I posted more photos on this blog, but sometimes I'm just way too lazy and tired, and I just want to rant about my life to other teenz who get my pain.

Like today. I gave an impromptu class rep speech. It was a pretty big fail. I was super nervous. I said hello about three times, said that the student lounge (where me and my fellow 10th graders hang) needed to get a permanent air freshener, that there should be a gender switch day for spirit day, and that it would be cool to have a second microwave. Then I awkwardly was like, "yeah, um, thanks" and went and sat down.

And guess what. I WON!
Just kidding.

But it's okay. I wasn't expecting to win, and I didn't deserve to win either. There were kids who worked way harder on their speeches, and I wasn't even planning on running (I decided not to when I found out we had to make a video in addition to a speech). They didn't take my name off the ballad so everyone was like, "Eva, make a speech, just do it!" So guess what. I JUST DID IT. It turned out alright though. My friend Josh voted for me, and I voted for myself, and hopefully I got a few more votes on top of that. Maintaining the 'fuck you' mindset of Enid has helped me to overcome this cringeworthy experience. I must say, I can't fathom how on EARTH I will ever move on from this traumatic experience...

Here are some cool visual oddities to sooth your tortured soul.

Shoulda been an album cover for ze Beatles.

Roses are red. Violets give you luck. Now go shit your face cuz I don't give a fuck.

Can this please be mine?

inspiration for my art tumblr

beautiful.

i love i love i love

fuck yes

YEAH WTF SOCIETY! You suck! 

happiness <3

teen witch

I think it's fun to get dressed and play with different characters and personas. I usually dress along the lines of a girl-punk-fairy aesthetic, but lately I've been getting into like, bad ass punk/vampire/witch vibes. I've been trying to dress a little outside my comfort zone because I want to explore things and be brave. High school is a time where people just change a lot. It's weird seeing my close friends suddenly become somewhat like strangers to me. I think my form of change has come in ways of inner growth and understanding, along with more self acceptance. I've also figured out that I'm really the only one I need to please. I don't need to dress for other people, and I don't need to get good grades just so I can do better than my classmates. I'll work as hard as I can and I'll wear whatever I want. I'll do things I like doing, like going to concerts of cool/weird-in-a-good-way bands, making zines and clothes, and listening to Riot Grrrl because that's what I like to do. It doesn't matter that other people aren't into that (at my school) it just matters that I'm doing what I like. Chris Brown sucks ballz and I hate rap music and dub step is boring so why listen to them? I'm not going to do things just so I can have something to talk to people at school about. I think that's how I've changed. I think my "fuck it" moment has finally come. I still care a little too much, but I definitely have that "screw it" attitude locked in a lot more.

I put this outfit together in the hopes of looking bad ass. I kind of look like a vampire-witch (notice broom stick in corner) which (witch) (haha look at me making such clever puns) I really like. At first my hair was up in a twist/bun thing, and I didn't have on a crown, but I felt too mature and old so I put my hair down and decided my rose crown would be a nice touch. I hate shaving my legs so I tend to shave them like, once every 2 weeks. Who on earth would actually pay attention to the shaved-ness of someone's legs? Only super weird people. I just don't really care if my legs are stubbly. It's a stupid thing to worry about. 

DIY crown, DIY necklace, both shirts are thrifted, Material Girl shorts, my mom's jacket via Nine West, American Apparel socks, Doc Marten mary janes which I want to eat.

sixteen, baby, and i'm going crazy

Time to celebrate the fact that I'm 16! My birthday was like, three weeks ago, but I have yet to actually post any pictures of the movie Sixteen Candles. I haven't seen the movie in ages, but thanks to my good ol' pal Google and my other good ol' pal Youtube, I was able to snag some awesome screen shots, and take some of my own screen shots! Wahoo for technology and the stuff it brings us, like... the ability to take screen shots!

I so so so so so so so badly want her flower crown and that pretty dress.

He's sexy. And YEAH, HE FUCKING KNOWS IT TOO, BITCH.

muscle-y men make life really awesome.

Boogey on down like Sam Shakusky!

I can't decide which is more beautiful, her crown or his FACE.

Aren't you totes diggin' the variety of photo quality here?

bitchface

zines and magazines, hence feminism and feminists and tangible objects

MAGAZINES SUCK. Like, seriously? I hate Seventeen magazine. It's seriously such a piece of crap vomit that it's not even worthy of being ITALICIZED. In fact, my new favorite hobby is spitting on it and chewing up the pages and then letting my stomach acid digest them further before I barf them up because they're too disgusting to actually digest so then I stomp them into the dirt and poop on them, because unlike Seventeen, I care about important stuff! Like the environment, and good, organic fertilizer! Seventeen is seriously the worst piece of butt hole ever. Can I just smack the magazine in the face and injure it? Really, I can?!?!?! Okay. *Punches magazine super hard and makes it BLEED because all humans have the capability of punching the same and I can punch like a man and a man can punch like me because we both punch HARD.*

I'm in desperate need of some cool feminist zines and magazines that are awesome. I'm already a huge fan of Rookie, but I want something tangible! Something I can sniff and hold and cradle like a baby in times of need! Something I can tack to my wall or put in my "Special Items and Tangible Objects I Deeply Care for and Cherish with all my Heart" box. Something that inspires me to be brave and be a feminist and appreciate and love who I am and brush away a few insecurities here or there!

Does anybody have a free or inexpensive zine they sell or giveaway for free? Or any awesome magazine recommendations that are about women EMPOWERMENT rather than attempting to conform women and girls to be stupid societal shit? And I also would really like some cool fashion magazine recommendations that don't suck. I've heard of Shameless magazine, which seems kind of cool, but it also seems a bit more adult, and I'm not sure my level of maturity would be equal to that of the maturity level of Shameless magazine. I've been trying to get some Sassy's off ebay but they're just so dang expensive! And I'm so dang broke! So yeah, any recommendations or generous people* out there are much appreciated and welcome to share their wisdom of awesome magazines or zines about feminism! Cool fashion/artsy magazine recommendations that don't suck are also welcome because I love art and fashion magazines that are about the ART and the FASHION and AESTHETICS rather than stupid stuff that sucks.

If anybody wants to do a swap of some sort, I'm open to that too! I've been trying to make a zine but it's coming along slowly, so I'd have to send you other cool stuff.

Also, I recently got some vintage National Geographic magazines that are BEAUTIFUL. One is from the 1930s, and the other is from the 1950s, and I'm going to post pictures ASAP. They are seriously the most beautiful things in the world! I want to kiss them and hold them and lick them and devour their pages with my mind!

*generous people, hence people that give cool gals (like me) free stuff because they're just so GENEROUS *wink wink.* (I LOVE FREE STUFF!!! [being subtle])

Also, I will be continuing my riot grrrl posts/riot grrrl inspiration/inspirational photos posts asap! Part 2 is on the way! 

Look at this awesome feminist collage I found here! I think it's so awesome and pretty! Laurie Simmons rocks life!

teen spirit in a mundane fashion

I have been in such a terrible mood. I've seriously come home everyday from school and just wanted to crawl into my bed and cry. This makes absolutely no sense, considering usually my school days are decent. People are nice to me, I talk to my friends, make new friends, laugh, get good grades, and then I just get into these horrible mood funks and life sucks. I feel so selfish when I'm in those "ihatemylifeleavemealoneijustwanttocrywhydoesntanyonelikemeifeelsoalone" moods, because I feel like I really have nothing to be unhappy about. I have a really good life, and yet I'm still unhappy... WHAT IS THIS? I suppose this is most likely just the so called "average teenage girl mood swings" but it just SUCKS. I want to be happy, and yet I feel more unhappy, than happy? It's just so weird and life is so emotional and complicated even though my life really isn't complicated at all and is actually quite simple compared to most of the shitty stuff people go through.

Here is a playlist I made to help express teen angst and longing. I sound so mundane, it's kind of pathetic. I've seriously been so boring though lately. The reason I haven't posted any outfits recently is because I've been too tired to dress decently in the mornings. I'm losing my motivation, this is not good! I need to get some new clothes to help inspire my obsession for dressing.

I'm in the mood to post some photos, so here are some that have been on my desktop for ages. I've lost most of the sources, so if you know the source just let me know.

screen shot from The Heathers, four unknowns, poem by E. E. Cummings, Tim Walker, picture from Where the Wild Things Are, unknown, unknown.

I wish my life was like these photographs, all pretty and interesting and mysterious and quirky and stuff.