livin' life, man

I left for a while. Don't know why. I guess I just started livin' life, man, more so than recording what I wanted to experience. Funny though, because nothing monumental happened to me. I've been feeling extremely creative, but not in a repressed, "no time to create" way, but more so in a "wish I knew what I wanted to create" way. I'll put pen to paper, and attempt to write, but it's like I am missing a piece to the puzzle, and there is something preventing my words from flowing together to convey the message I'm trying to express, or read like the story I'm trying to tell.

Writing formally is extremely difficult for me. The organization of thoughts is a concept my mind has yet to grasp. My brain functions like my bedroom-in a constant state of disorganization, and yet I can always seem to find what I'm looking for. 

I don't understand why teachers stress that writing needs to be organized, needs to flow methodically. I can only organize my words the way my brain expresses them, and for some reason, that just doesn't seem good enough. Writing has become so methodic, and it pisses me off that expression is now being taught to be a systematic formula rather than an expressionistic medium. 

I still feel like I'm living with this weird haze over my head. Like I'm stuck in a fog that is some how repressing me. I feel like I'm trapped in my own body, or trapping something within my body, that is preventing me from leaving the fog and seeing things clearly.

And yes, my vision may be 20/300, but the fact that the lenses to my glasses may be thicker than George W. Bushes skull is not the reason for my inability to really see things. 

I'm officially on the edge of seventeen, livin' the life of an almost sorta adult. I'm trying to hold out on teendom though, because I love everything being a teenager represents. 

How do I go about telling a story? How do I go about telling my story?

I have no story to tell.

I have no movie-like experiences that make my stomach turn into a haven for butterflies.

I have no experiences that make my heart swell and my head feel like a feather.

But everyone has a story to tell. 

Alright, fine. But I want mine to be great.

i am UO

one of my best friends, Emma

my other best friend, Michala, and me

Clothes via UO, AA, and DSW.

All worn with swagger and sass

photos from my birthday, from those foggy daze, and from life, man.

i live i don't exist

"aiding others is the key to life, the key to happiness" -James Franco

This quote once said from the lips of my all time favorite man pretty much sums up my outlook on life. I know that whatever I do when I'm older, I'm going to want to help people all over the world. I think there are a lot of ways one can help people. I think bringing happiness to people in some way is the richest, greatest form of help, because it helps them on until tomorrow comes around. 

I feel like life is such a complicated thing. There is such a difference between living and existing, and I feel like nowadays more people exist than live, which is sad. I think it's in part because people don't really know how to live anymore. I think the entire concept of living has gotten lost through endless commercials and billboards and all this crap we see everyday that twists simple concepts into tangled equations we can't solve. I feel like the message we young folks hear and believe to be true a lot of the time is that money=happiness. I think that's total bull. I think money is a tool, but when it comes to the Top 10 List of Things One Needs to Live, money is probably number 8,654, as in extremely unimportant. But these days money seems to be everything. In most places, you need money to get a good education, which is sad and stupid. Everyone has the write to a good education. 

I think in order to live you have to feel free and do things that make you happy. I think life is about exploring and going on adventures and helping people and creating and writing and learning and educating. I think the entirety of humanity is connected, and I think interaction and community are like, the fundamentals to life. Like, we all exist, and we exist to take care of each other and to create and learn and be happy. I hate how people are always telling me "life isn't fair," because it's like they using that as an excuse to justify why life can really suck. I'm aware life can suck, but that doesn't mean it should, and rather than just deciding "life isn't fair. that's too bad for people who have shit lives," why don't you get off your stupid high horse and try to make it better for them. Life clearly isn't fair, but it should be.

gotta love gotta love

Tried to write something meaningful. Couldn't write for shit. So yeah whatever...

Gotta love gotta love.

Being human is difficult. Sometimes I feel like my bouts of brief, depressive moods are inadequate and stupid, because I am fortunate and lucky and haven't been through extremely difficult, life changing experiences. I have a nice home and a nice family and I go to a nice school and I'm surrounded by nice people. Sometimes I feel guilty for hating everyone and being unhappy and wanting to run away, but then I remember that what I have been through is valid and I'm allowed to feel angsty and sad and unhappy and repressed and stressed out and angry once in a while. I think it's important to have perspective on situations, so if your brother smashes your favorite record, yeah it sucks ass, but at least your face didn't get smashed by some psycho on the street. Records are replaceable, your face is something that would be a little more difficult to repair.

I don't know if I'm the only one to feel guilty about being unhappy at times when I'm an extremely fortunate person, but I've learned that it's important to recognize that feelings are never inadequate or unworthy, and that having a home and having security in varying circumstances does not mean you aren't allowed to feel sad or angry or repressed sometimes. I think being off the wall emotional is healthy. Don't hold it in, just let it out and scream! 

teenage angst... the meaning of life?

I changed the URL for the diary collective to TeenageDiaryCollective.tumblr.com

hello hello. So far my teenage diary collective is going swimmingly. (check out the original post here). I've already gotten some submissions which is both exciting and encouraging, and people already seem to be enjoying it so yay! Thanks to those of you who have submitted! If you haven't yet don't hesitate to do so! It can be anonymous if it's a personal entry and it's a fun way to spread your diary creativity and such. Feel free to help spread ze word via tweetin or blog postin or tumblrin or somethin.  (hiiiiiiiint). I also found this cool thing where people read their diary entries and it's really awesome and perfect and audible rather than tangible which is incredibly enjoyable and satisfying when you need some aesthetic assistance to your angstiest of days and when that Nirvana song just isn't doing the trick. Teenage Diary is kind of a homage to my love for journals and diaries; they are so mysterious and house so many unspoken secret thoughts, opinions, feelings, and ideas. Diaries are like the other half to a person, the parts of themselves they would never share with or expose to the world. They're like the holy grail of secrets and confessions and feelings and teen angst. 

Even though angst can suck I love feeling angsty purely for the experience of being an angsty teenager and how being in that very state of angst helps enable me to live vicariously through cool people in movies and TV shows, like Ivy (my favorite movie) and Lisa and Paulie. Sometimes being hormonal sucks but other times it's just great because it helps you to achieve the full experience of teendom as well as all its highs and lows, which I treasure, which is weird of me. I feel like being a teenager is the best time ever because of how it's this time to venture into new directions and take risks and be a freak or a geek and laugh too loud and get depressed and scream and shave your head and make out with guys you don't know the name of and spend all night going to random diners and spying on people with your best friend and running through fields yelling the lyrics to some song by Stevie Nicks and starting a band that never ends up rehearsing or performing and redecorating your room a thousand times over, each time to represent the new you that will inevitably change tomorrow. I just love that. I know I'm looking at this in a totally romanticized perspective, because some people are actually clinically depressed which isn't fun for the experience and is actually serious and horrible and not enjoyable in the slightest bit, but other times the roller coaster that is teendom, for me at least, is really exciting and fun even when I feel like crap.

to represent how concerts seem to be a right of passage for life and a huge part of teendom

to represent the importance of journals diaries in the lives of many teens

to represent that fun with friends is timeless

to represent hating society and being independent

to represent having fun at the beach

to represent that fabulosity of paul mccartney

to represent the importance and awesomeness of david bowie in one's life

to represent that slut shaming is wrong and that it's virtually impossible to actually be a slut

mary janes

Hello Hello Hello!!
How's life everyone?
Lately, my life has consisted of school, friends, tumblr, and food.

I kind of love school. I just love being around everyone and making friends and having so many people to talk to all the time. I can't imagine just staying home everyday, I'd get so bored! Even on the weekends, I'm out 2/3 days usually. Then again though, I do love being by myself sometime's, and just making cool stuff and listening to music and watching TV.

I haven't really done a blog post in a really long time. It's because recently I've been taking most of my pictures on my film camera and I haven't had the chance to develop my film yet! I can't decide if I should get a disk, prints, or both. Both costs like, $15 and I don't know if I want to spend that much. I could just scan all the prints, but that would take a while. I think I'll just do that though, because I love having tangible memories.

Some photos of what I wore to school a few days ago. I realize now it would have looked awesome with my Bikini Kill pleather jacket. If you notice my feet/shoes, you will see some incredible black Doc Marten mary janes. You probably recognize them from other posts. I got them for my birthday in May and I kind of love them more than anything in the entire world. I think I'll wear them until the day I die.

My style has been evolving really weirdly. I'm obsessed with environmental-looking outfits, as in lot's of browns and rusts and reds and neutral colors, as well as flowy shirts and woven fabrics and brown beads and shells and wintery coats for warmth, as well as vintage and quirkiness and stuff. What I'm currently doing at school is a perfect representation of my style, since I'm in the Environmental Club and doing costumes for the school play. Wahoo, life!

I'm also getting really interested in photography and film. I think I'm going to make a short film soon, just for the heck of it. I don't think it'll be scripted or anything, but mainly just me creepily watching people and documenting what they do, and/or filming my friends, and/or actually writing a script of SOME sort, and just doing something funky and fun!! I'll probably include/do it with my amazing friend Maya who is kind of my other half!

For a while/earlier this year, I didn't really care about dressing really crazy and stuff, I was just too lazy, but now I'm really focused on dressing fun and just loving what I wear and feeling all unique!

so whateva cya layta.

hmmm hello there

Hello I am alive! I'm back! Look, these words you are reading are appearing because my fingers pushed the computer keys making these letters/words/sentences appear! Yay for the anatomy that keeps me alive! The reason I haven't posted in forever is because my life has really been going places lately. I've been in almost every weekend studying and procrastinating... when I get home from school I eat, do homework, procrastinate, eat some more, and rewatch My So-Called Life... again. I mean, seriously you guys-my life is jam-packed full of excitement! Can't you feel this thrilling tension flooding through your veins? It's like some "Livin' the Life Glitter" has been sprinkled into my blood. What. A. Thrill.

I love Noah and the Whale and I love this song and I love the excess of primary colors that send Wes Anderson vibes directly into my soul and I love the unconventional beauty of the girl and her awesome/beautiful teeth and I love watermelon. 

Here, enjoy these delicious collages that are edible for the mind. I stumbled upon this amazing tumblr that just posts collages of the awesome/mentally edible/amazing/perfect aspects of life and stuff. These are just some random ones I really like.

Rachael Shankman and Sammy Slabbinck, live-by-evil and Audrey Smith, Gemineye6 and Kanchan Collage, Brandon Spence and Jesse Treece, Sammy Slabbinck and Allen Ginsberg, Brandi Strickland and Captain Spezzo.