nothing lasts forever

pretty images from Petra's journal.
i really wish i could paint like that. ugh literally too special for words. the entirety of all these images is just like overwhelming inspiring and it is kind of paining me in a million different ways.

this one is my favorite.

kiss the boys and make them die

I am in love. I've never loved a photo series more than this in my entire life. This is honestly so perfect and spectacular in zillions of ways. I can see the story that would play out here. There is a girl gang, called The Boy Snatchers, and basically, when they get angry at a girl, they kiss her boyfriend and literally suck the life out of him and kill him. They are also very cult-like, and swore to each other never to date boys EVER, because they wanted to be best friends for forever and never leave each other. But then this new boy comes, and one of The Boy Snatchers, Suzy, falls for him and her and new boy fall in love. But the girl gang members are NOT happy about this, and resolve that the only way to fix this problem is to kill her and the boy. So first they go after the boy, and kill the new boy by kissing him (that's how they kill boys). Then they go after Suzy, and they stab her and then eat her blood. Then, they go and get new boy's body, and Suzy's body, and they dig a shallow hole in the forest. They lay both bodies next to each other, and cover the little earth bed in flowers and pretty things, like autumn leaves and butterflies. Then the other three girls in The Boy Snatchers swim away in a river and never return to the little town again.

This is a photo series by Petra Collins for Rookie Mag!

sniff the pits

Yoo. This is just a really weird rant. The last two paragraphs are in honor of SlutWalk.

I don't even know what I'm talking about. EW I just drank luke warm milk and it's literally so disgusting I actually want to barf it up. Ew that was so nasty.

The other day/yesterday, in Health and Wellness class, we were talking about what we'd like to talk about (ha). We were also talking about offending people with what we wear, and I was just like, "aw fucking ey." Like, if you wear a shirt that says, like, "DIE REPUBLICANS" obviously that's offensive, but to me, wearing a shirt that has a few swear words on it is entirely not offensive at all. My super best friend Natalie who is awesome, was all like, "How are you supposed to even know what's offensive if we're told to suppress everything we believe in," which is just too genius for words. My school doesn't have a dress code, other than the obvious of like, don't come to school naked, don't promote drugs/alcohol, etc, so I feel like it's really hypocritical of them to tell us we can't wear "offensive clothing" when there aren't even guidelines as to what "offensive" is. I think if a person wears a shirt that expresses an opinion, they have the right to wear it. And OH MY GOD. In middle school, they were like "Your skirts can only be 4 inches above your knee, because otherwise it's distracting for your male classmates AND your male teachers." Um, EXCUSE ME? First of all, don't teach children to be ashamed of their bodies, or that they need to cover up their bodies because the human body is "distracting." Like, what shit heads. Not only that, but WHAT A FUCKING DOUBLE STANDARD. They tell US GIRLS, that we can't show "too much leg/boobage," and yet it's TOTALLY OKAY for guys to sag. I'm not saying guys shouldn't be allowed to sag, I'm saying if girls have to "cover up," then guys should too. I can't wait to bitch slap half the teachers in my middle school. They sucked fucking shit. Obviously there are boundaries, but just SHUT YOUR FACES UGHHH. And ALSO, distracting male teachers? NASTY TO THE EXTREME, EXCUSE ME? HOW NASTY IS THAT? Oh, and then they were all like, "no cleavage." Well, excuse me if some girls have big boobs. Does that mean they need to wear turtlenecks? WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!?!?!

I'm trying to get back into doing outfit posts and stuff, but my outfits are really boring. I'm just getting really into art as well as doing well in school, and although I love fashion and clothes, I'm sort of tired of experimenting and wearing crazy shit, feeling awkward and uncomfortable, and blah. I completely admire and love the people who are so outgoing with the things they wear, and I've always been like "be like tavi, be fearless" but I feel awkward wearing these really crazy ensembles that don't express who I am. I think I'm just going to allow myself to just naturally fall into step with my style. I think fashion and self expression are beyond important, but I'm also figuring out that there are other ways of expressing yourself other than through getting dressed, such as art and expressing your beliefs and opinions in situations. Like, the other day, my friends and I were talking about how this guy was facebook stalking my friend, and we were just laughing at how it was kinda funny, and then my friend was like "It's okay for girls to facebook stalk, and like really old photos of people, but guys can't do that." And I just said "Well that's a gross double standard."

I also feel like it's really hard to like... express to people why slut shaming is wrong. My friends were talking about how this girl at our school had had sex with this one guy multiple times, they weren't even friends, blah blah, and how she was such a slut. And like, how are you supposed to be like "don't slut shame," because some people may not understand what slut shaming is. It was also annoying because the guy she was having sex with was having sex with the girl just as many times as she was having sex with him, OBVIOUSLY, and yet my friends didn't even blink an eye. I think blogging and Rookie have opened my eyes to so many double standards and so much sexism (and it's sad, because girls can we sooooo sexist towards other girls!) and it's just like, how do you explain to people why it's so wrong?

photo via whitekaffir.tumblr.com

the masked teen

Please at least read the thing that says READ THIS THING. But please read everything.

You guys probably recognize this outfit from my Rookie post. I just saw this photo of me wearing it, and I think I/my pose looks cool so I just decided to post the photo/outfit again. I feel like my interest in fashion is dying out. I think it's partly due to frustration, and the fact that I just have no idea what I like to wear or what my style is. I'm also just becoming really interested in other things, like school and art and writing. I'm also still just really, really, really not sure who I am or what my personality is (yeah how said is that I'm like, not even sure what my personality is. wutdafuck) and due to this it's really hard to know what I like to wear. I still love fashion and clothes, but I'm more into making and embellishing clothes and making pieces look really cool, rather than like, actually dressing "fashionably." Because like, nobody is fashionable, or should I say, nobody is UNfashionable. Actually, I'd rather just say nobody is fashionable. Being fashionable is just impossible, it's more about being creative. Like, what is considered "fashionable" just bores me half to death. Like, oh wow, impressive! A neutral colored maxi skirt with some Jeffrey Campbell heels and a sheer button down! WOW, FASHIONABLE. Sure, it looks nice and it's pretty and "stylish." But it's not creative or inspiring or different, and to me fashion is being creative and inspiring and different. It's about pushing boundaries. So I guess there are fashionable people, but to me you're only fashionable if your style is different and unique and inspiring. I don't think I'm fashionable, I'm just too lazy to be inspiringly daring. I don't even know what I'm talking about I'm tired. I wish I was fashionable but sometimes I don't have the confidence to dress super duper daring, or to like, dye my hair pink or get really short bangs. I think once I'm 100% confident and less angsty I'll dress better because I'll know myself better.

These are masks from my mask collection. So far I have three masks in my collection. I'm hunting for more. I like masks because they're symbolic of the changes teenagers go through and how we're constantly adopting different characteristics and personalities as we try to discover who we are (ignore the cliché).

READ THIS THING

I'd also like to report that English is still my favorite subject. Discussing books and eloquently presenting opinions and various representations of themes and other crud in books is literally like my favorite thing to do in school. We're currently reading/discussing Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, and we were talking about learning and blah blah, and I said something like 'In Siddhartha, Siddhartha and Govinda and all the characters are able to choose their own path, and can learn what they want. They don't need to rush to understand anything or blah blah, and in school, we are learning in order to take tests and go to college. We have to understand things in time to be tested on the material, and there isn't any time to muddle through things. We aren't really learning for ourselves, because we need to learn certain things so we can be judged on how well we've learn them. It's not about how what we learn affects or changes us, it's about how well we learn what we need to learn in order to please the people who partake in deciding our future.' You know, something like that. People in my class responded and understood and stuff, and I was really happy I said it because I think it brought up a lot of interesting points, and made people think, including my teacher, who I'm not sure if I insulted or not. I don't think I insulted him... but who knows. He seemed kind of amused when I said it, but I'm not sure. What do you guys think about what I said though? Agree, disagree? LET'S HAVE A FAKE ENGLISH CLASS AND DISCUSS SAID PASSAGE IN THE COMMENTS.

Oh, and I drew another pepper. I'm like, obsessed with drawing peppers. What do you guys think? I need to work on the highlights for sure... 

badassery

So, summer is coming to an end. It's very sad, but strangely, I am somewhat excited for school. Despite the fact that my science teacher is said to be mean, unapproachable, impossible, and the creator of 20+ page study guides for finals, I have a feeling that this is going to be a really great year. I've just been feeling all inspired and cool lately, you know, just hella swaggie and shizz, and I think I was meant to live the life of a character in Pretty in Pink, or, like... The Virgin Suicides. Mainly just aesthetically. I've also been attempting to channel the mindset of Madonna when I'm in need of a boost of fearlessness. And also, I think I'm really beginning to figure out my style. Last year my style could be summed up as ugly. I've been getting really obsessed with two piece sets. ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND. When I say two piece set, I mean a skirt and a top, of the same pattern. The skirt is semi high waisted, and the top is semi cropped. So basically a dress cut in half!! I have yet to obtain one of these, so I'm planning on going thrifting tomorrow to find some cute dresses I can DIY to make into my dream outfit. I'm also in desperate need of some denim jackets that I can DIY. After seeing this amazing photo diary on Rookie by Eleanor, I just need to quench my desire to create something BEAUTIFUL that I can WEAR made of DENIM. I'm gonna be one cool lookin' girl this year, with my Bikini Kill jacket, my Madonna mindset, and my two piece attire.

Feel free to admire this rad iPad photo quality. It really captured the beauty of my diary. I decorated my diary myself, and personally took it upon myself to write my motto: LIFE IS LIFE, in glitter glue of various colors, and then add some plastic gems and butterflies for aesthetic pleasure. I have been kind of a diary addict lately, and I've been writing non-stop. My mind is usually racing every way POSSIBLE with different ideas and thoughts and outfits to wear and things to do and stories to write and art to make, and I'm always jumping back and forth between every thought and idea, which kind of makes me go insane, so I need to write it all down so that I don't worry about forgetting any of it. I also tend to write about worries/boys/music/amazing days/schemes, etc. A lot of people, like my friend Maya who I met at the Rookie meet up who is to my right in the photo of me in my BK jacket (she is wearing a yellow collar), have the most BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING diaries/journals with all these awesome collages and artwork and prettiness and shit. Mine is mainly just pages and pages of words, but I like it like that. I tend to hoard stuff, too, like the other day I saved all the wrappers from my tootsie pops, and I decided to cut 'em up and make a cool collage in my journal, including my favorite Frida Kahlo quote, "I paint flowers so they will not die," which I will probably write on my next diary/journal. I think my blog is also like my diary in someway, but it's more so ideas/inspiration and stuff I want to share with people and get opinions on, rather than the more personal sterf that I wouldn't want strangers to know, if you get my drift. 

My FUCKING AWESOME Bikini Kill jacket via Etsy. I wore it to the Rookie Mag meetup, it was a great way to make friends. I think Tavi may have inadvertently started a cult... but it's okay because this is like, a healthy, flower crown making, glitter throwing cult. We aren't creepy or forcefully religious or anything. This super girl named Erika took the photo, but I can't remember her blog or Tumblr in order to credit her.

1. Go For It by Hot Sundae

2. Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks

3. Lucky Star by Madonna

4. Make Me a Believer by Patty Smyth

5. Butterflies by Sia

6. True Colors by Cyndi Lauper

7. No Mistakes by Patty Smyth

8. Dreaming by Blondie

9. The Girl You Lost to Cocaine by Sia

10. Mercy by Duffy

summer of '72

UGHHH I have so much to post and rant about that I don't even know where to start, and the odds that what I'm about to write will show any grammatical or organizational skill is just not likely because again, I just have SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

First off, I have been obsessively watching, and rewatching, episodes of Sweet Valley High and the movie Now and Then (i.e. my favorite movie on the planet because a) I love Thora Birch and b) I love the classic summer, bike riding, suburbia vibes.) I want the summer in Now and Then. I want the bike riding and random lake swimming and graveyard seances and treehouse gossip sessions! I tried to recreate it the other day when I went to my friend's house. She lives in a culdesack (cul de sac?) and we attempted to bike ride to her community pool. It was a big fail, because the bikes were too small, our tires were flat, and I practically fell off the bike multiple times, so we ended up just walking to the pool. There also happened to be a neighborhood baseball game going on, but we couldn't take part because the kids who were playing were barely potty trained. We were also going to go to the graveyard near her house that night and bring her Ouija Board and blast summer eery tunes and light some candles while trying to talk to the spirits, but then we forgot when the season finale of The Bachelorette came on.

I obviously love technology, but I also wish that I could just have a classic summer of suburban adventures and bike riding down dirt roads singing along to songs on the radio! 

 

I love her necklace!

Some screenshots from Now and Then. I really love all the tops and color combinations Teeny and Chrissy wear, and all the Keds are an obvious plus. And all their bikes are such pretty colors!!! And I love Chrissy's basket and Teeny's radio/music player thing she strapped onto her bike. 

Secondly, I am becoming super, super obsessed with what I call the 80s Madonna Prom Look. I was looking at the Rookie tumblr and saw photos from their prom night (which looked so amazingly fun I wish I could have gone!) and the people literally were dressed to the absolute pinnacle of awesome. There were so many tulley and lacy prom dresses! And they were all so VINTAGE. I was literally like,  about to cry when I saw what people were wearing because I've never wanted to steal anybody's outfit so badly in my entire life. There were pretty pastel dresses, colorful makeup, crowns, tiaras, hair clips, and tons of layered, plastic jewelry that looked amazing beyond belief! My style has been... ever changing over the past year or so, and looking back at some of the things I wore I literally cringe because it's so icky and gross looking. I had a weird skirt faze, then a fairy faze, and now I'm kind of in a punk faze. My style is definitely going to be verging more towards the 80s Madonna Prom Look that I've been talking about, and I have some pictures to show you guys for reference. I'm also obsessed with Courtney Love's style during the 90s when she was in Hole, i.e. baby doll dresses, red lipstick, smudged eye makeup, tiaras, and plastic hair clips.

That purple dress is literally my ultimate dream dress. I have no idea what that tulle layering on the skirt is called, but the lavender color and everything about it is literally so perfect and beautiful. I also love the dress from Pretty in Pink that Molly Ringwald wore. I also liked it a lot before she reconstructed it, but it still looked cool. 

Just some awesome crowns and pretty hair.

DUDE. Her makeup and her crown and her jewelry is literally the best thing I've ever seen on Earth. EVER. Like, I literally love this so much. I want a cool plastic crown so bad!

The girl's dress on the far right is sooooooooo pretty.

Source of prom photos

ALSO: I am SO BORED WITH MY HAIR. I want to dye it and cut it and make it really different. For colors, I was thinking a dark brown or bleached blonde or a bright red, and then for the style, I kind of want bangs. I had them before but I HATED THEM, but I kind of want them again but I don't want to get them and then end up hating them, because they take sooooo long to grow out. What do you think? Any ideas or thoughts on the color and style? And what do you think about bangs?