most likely to be arrested

i'd really love for each and every one of my journal entries to be special creations, with every line and smudge engraved with hidden meaning only i can decipher.

i'd love to be suave and cool... ha no.

being weird and quirky is actually really satisfying.

i like being smart... don't jinx it.

sometimes i wish i was a slut.. seems kind of fun!

i'd love for boys to love me.

i'd like to be neater but being messy is a tangible diagram of my brain.

what will i wear to school tomorrow?

dear Boy, please talk to me.

who am i?




just a summary of exactly how i feel

I cannot stand small talk, because I feel like there’s an elephant standing in the room shitting all over everything and nobody is saying anything. I’m just dying to say, “Hey, do you ever feel like jumping off a bridge?” or “Do you feel an emptiness inside your chest at night that is going to swallow you?” But you can’t say that at a cocktail party.
Paul Gilmartin, The Mental Illness Happy Hour

lightweight wanna throw up... or is it just my period?


simple sorrows in the midst of nature

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.” Anne Frank.

by me

I always feel like British music and stuff from the Beatles and psychedelic vibes are perfect for movie soundtracks in your mind and for lying on a hill looking at the clouds and wishing of blissful places to pass the time without honking cars and technology constantly flashing in your eyes and ears.


i live i don't exist

"aiding others is the key to life, the key to happiness" -James Franco

This quote once said from the lips of my all time favorite man pretty much sums up my outlook on life. I know that whatever I do when I'm older, I'm going to want to help people all over the world. I think there are a lot of ways one can help people. I think bringing happiness to people in some way is the richest, greatest form of help, because it helps them on until tomorrow comes around. 

I feel like life is such a complicated thing. There is such a difference between living and existing, and I feel like nowadays more people exist than live, which is sad. I think it's in part because people don't really know how to live anymore. I think the entire concept of living has gotten lost through endless commercials and billboards and all this crap we see everyday that twists simple concepts into tangled equations we can't solve. I feel like the message we young folks hear and believe to be true a lot of the time is that money=happiness. I think that's total bull. I think money is a tool, but when it comes to the Top 10 List of Things One Needs to Live, money is probably number 8,654, as in extremely unimportant. But these days money seems to be everything. In most places, you need money to get a good education, which is sad and stupid. Everyone has the write to a good education. 

I think in order to live you have to feel free and do things that make you happy. I think life is about exploring and going on adventures and helping people and creating and writing and learning and educating. I think the entirety of humanity is connected, and I think interaction and community are like, the fundamentals to life. Like, we all exist, and we exist to take care of each other and to create and learn and be happy. I hate how people are always telling me "life isn't fair," because it's like they using that as an excuse to justify why life can really suck. I'm aware life can suck, but that doesn't mean it should, and rather than just deciding "life isn't fair. that's too bad for people who have shit lives," why don't you get off your stupid high horse and try to make it better for them. Life clearly isn't fair, but it should be.


nothing lasts forever

pretty images from Petra's journal.
i really wish i could paint like that. ugh literally too special for words. the entirety of all these images is just like overwhelming inspiring and it is kind of paining me in a million different ways.

this one is my favorite.

$$$$ cash money $$$$

So far my adolescent experience has been pretty typical... as well as not so much. I go to the complete opposite of a "typical American high school." My high school is small, you become friends with tons of people from other grades, it's cool to be smart and artsy, being different is encouraged and respected, and the majority of people are friendly and nice and open minded. Other than this, I've had my share of emotional ups and downs, I have a close group of friends, and I have my own interests and enjoy being independent. I feel lucky to be happy the majority of the time, and to be accepted for being myself. I think I'm blessed to be living in a place that is the epitome of liberal and accepting and open minded. I've learned a lot about myself over the past few years and I think I'm finally realizing what I want to do in life and what my opinions are about things. There are still times I feel absolutely lost in what seems like perpetuated darkness but at the same time I always seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

I think in the future, what I really want to do is help people. I just feel like those less fortunate people are continually ignored and repressed by society. Since they don't have, per say, a financial advantage, they are basically completely neglected and shoved aside. It's so absolutely completely wrong. Like I can't even put it into words. I hate how in this world, money is power. Money is stupid. Unfortunately it's a necessity, but it only sucks the intelligence out of smart people and divides humanity.

Basically, I have a few opinions on the rich and poor and money in general. I think if you are privileged enough to be more than financially secure, as in having multi-millions and are more than stable, it's your job to help others with the money you have. Even if you don't have a lot of money, it's still your job to help other people and give back to those in need. I watched a documentary in my elective today about the upper and lower classes in America. I'm sure it's more complicated than depicted, but basically, all these rich people are moving into the south side of Chicago, the south side of Chicago being one of the poorest districts in the United States, and pretty much forcing these people who live there to leave. These wealthy people are taking control of the neighborhoods, closing schools, getting rid of public housing, and leaving these people who have lived there for years with less and less resources to grow from. They're attempting to push out these people by taking away their schools, community centers, parks, and so much else. It's just sickeningly wrong and frustrating. Like, rather than attempt to reestablish this community to meet your standards, why not try to better it for those already living their? Why do you have to push out these under privileged people? Why do you belong their more than they do? What gives you the right?

And why do people who actually contribute things to society get no recognition or compensation? Teachers get payed practically nothing while athletes get payed millions a year, which is so stupid because while teachers are actually educating the generations to come, athletes are just playing a sport... doing absolutely nothing to further societal development. It's just so infuriating.

I think everyone has the responsibility to help those less fortunate than themselves. No matter where you are in life, there is somebody else struggling more than you are. Selfishness is becoming such a trend, it's honestly so disgusting. I believe brotherhood and sisterhood unites all of humanity, and I don't understand why we can simply push each other aside and step on one another simply to better ourselves, and why it's seemingly acceptable. It's not.


maybe he'll realize i'm the woman of his dreams.

I've been feeling very inspired by the 60s and 70s, as well as 90s grunge. This collection of photographs and artwork kind of sums up the aesthetics I've been into lately. I don't really know how to explain or define what my style has been like recently... kind of simple, but with grunge vibes. I've been wearing my Doc Martens a lot lately, breaking them in slowly but surely. I want a pair of black Doc Marten boots; I think I may save up for a pair. I've been feeling extremely angsty lately... I really want to just explore my city and find special places and channel my angst through an extensive venture of exploration. I feel kind of stuck and entrapped in a never ending circle of familiar, predictable routine.