fudge sauce and unicorns

Today was a really tiring day at school, and I'm honestly too tired from my day of school to even talk about it, so I'll just talk about THIS moment, RIGHT now, because I'm all for living in the moment.

I was really hungry when I came home, but my mom was like "save the chips for school" so I'm trying my best to do that because I know that if I eat them all now there will be no food of happiness left for me to eat at school when I'm tired of learning and just want to go home and sleep. So I decided I'd eat a different food that I love: fudge sauce.

I don't really remember when or why my mom bought the fudge sauce, but what I do know is that I'm about to finish the jar that was in the fridge, and there is another full jar left in our pantry for me to consume later when I really need some happiness energy to motivate me to do homework. My mom is usually an intense healthnojunkfoodihatemicrowaveswhichiswhywedon'thaveone freak, but I guess she had a moment of sweet tooth weakness like we all do (some more than others, obviously) and just had to buy some good old fashion organic fudge sauce, because organic stuff is just the bomb.

After eating my fudge sauce with my trusty friend, the knife, I decided I would get off my butt and photograph my outfit for the day. I personally find it really awkward when my family members walk in on me taking pictures of myself, because taking photos of yourself in front of people who stare at you as they're chomping away on their banana isn't my favorite kind of situation. I was happily taking my photos so I could post in mah blog, and I was having a really great and enjoyable time, and then I hear my brother yell "WHAT IS THAT BEEPING." (in case you were wondering, it was the timer on my camera.) I didn't want him to come charging in the kitchen and the awkward scenario awkwardly become a true story, so I was like "NOTHING, JUST MY CAMERA." and then I packed away my tripod and camera and went back to my room to survey my photos, and luckily I had two pictures I really liked that made my outfit clearly visible. They were also the only photos where I didn't look possessed and scary because my eyes were completely bulged out, so I'm thankful that I'm somewhat capable of taking photographs.

So now, here I am, blogging about my really cool dayafterIgothomefromschool, day. I'm planning on finishing my fudge sauce, then getting hungry again and taking some jalapeno kettle chips and saving the sea salt and vinegar ones for tomorrow because I'm such a badass-chip-stealing rebel.

(click photo for larger view)

hot topic robot unicorn shirt, HUE leggings, KB socks, H&M cardigan, TWLOHA bracelet, DIY earrings, necklace from a fabric store, clarks

feminism and florals

My moment of regret seemed to be the thing that got me thinking about sexism and feminism, even though the relation between my moment of regret and sexism/feminism isn't really totally relatable. It was in English class towards the beginning of the year. We'd been reading The Kite Runner (and actually still are) and we were discussing the most recent chapter we'd read: the chapter where Hassan is raped. I'd been furious at Amir for standing there, watching his best friend get raped, and then running away and leaving Hassan behind.

When I'd walked into the classroom, kids were already in heated discussions about the books recent events and I quickly joined in on the various debates. When my teacher finally quieted us and we all began a more organized discussion, one of my friends pointed out how he felt it was easier to stand up for people the less extreme the situation, and I quickly disagreed. I said the more extreme the situations were, the easier it was to stand up for the victim because the consequence wouldn't just be a bruised ego, but possibly physical and emotional scarring, such as depression or thoughts of suicide or a trip to the hospital because some kid pushed you down the stairs. I wasn't saying one sort of bullying should be ignored, but I was saying that if I'd seen a person getting raped, I would have done something to help them rather than watching it happen and running away when I couldn't watch it anymore.

My teacher then told me I didn't know what I would do in the situation because I hadn't experienced anything like that, and then a bunch of my classmates quickly joined in, saying I would protect myself first or they agreed with my teacher. My teacher then shot a bunch of questions my way, like "Would you still try to save the victim of a rape if you knew they had raped another person just the other day?" or "How can you say you would help the victim? You've never been in a situation like that. You don't know how you would react.'' He was right. I'd never been in a situation like that, but he was also wrong, because I know myself better than a teacher I see an hour a day and some kids I've only met this year, and I know that I'd risk my life to save someone else. I may be overreacting, but I hated how my teacher and everyone else was making assumptions about who I was as a person, and what I regret most is not targeting the question back at my teacher, "Well, what would you do? If you saw a person getting raped, would you just run away? Or would you do something. Whether that be call the police, run in and try to stop the rapist, make it sound like people were coming over there. Or would you just stand there or pretend you didn't see anything? I have a feel you wouldn't runaway. So how come it would be any different for me? Because I'm a girl? Because I'm only 15?" But I didn't, because I was caught off guard, and although all those questions were floating subconsciously through my mind, I was unable to grasp onto them until class had ended.

I knew my teacher was only trying to push me to think deeper about the book, but I also felt assumptions were being made about me based on my gender and age and that bothered me. I'm sure these "assumptions" weren't even intentional, or possibly not even existent, but I still felt like my character was being judged based on the fact that I was a young female teenager, rather than what I was on the inside. This is what really pushed me to start thinking more seriously about sexism and feminism, even though I knew the people in my class weren't being sexist, misogynist, or chauvinist at all.

I started to think a lot about how woman are seen in society and how they are objectified and portrayed as weak, stupid, and helpless. I then googled "Feminism" and started reading.

I personally believe that in order to be a feminist, you have to respect yourself. You can't objectify yourself, but you also need to do things that make YOU feel good and do things for yourself, not for others, which is where it gets kind of confusing. If you like wearing low cut tops and super short skirts, are you objectifying yourself? I don't think you are as long as you're wearing that because YOU like it and it makes YOU feel good and you're not doing it to get the attention of the guy/girl you like, or to gain a feeling of social acceptance. If you wear makeup because you are scared some person at school is going to make fun of the scar on your face or your acne but you really don't like makeup, you're allowing society to objectify and influence you negatively because you are sending the message that you're only as good as your exterior, rather than all the intelligence and creativity that makes you such a great person inside. It's okay to want to feel pretty and to like your face but you need to dress and treat yourself in a way that makes YOU happy rather than focusing on what other people are going to think of you or whether they are going to judge you.

Feminism is about striving for equal rights between men and woman, but to me it's also about preventing the objectification of woman within society. That means treating YOURSELF as a person who has depth and fulfilling your own interests rather than trying to please others or stopping yourself from wearing that really awesome new skirt because you're scared one of your friends will say something rude about it, or not signing up for the debate team because you think people will call you names. You need to please yourself rather than try to morph yourself into what you think others want you to be. I'm not really sure if all my rambling is making sense, but hopefully it does because writing all that took a lot of energy and I really wanted to try and prove my point.

I feel like sometimes people think I care too much about appearances because I like getting dressed in the morning and I wear a lot of eye makeup, but I don't wear crazy outfits to impress others, I wear them because I like them and to me it's fun to experiment with new styles. I wear a lot of eye makeup because I like how it looks. That doesn't mean I don't like my face, it just means I like expressing myself with the clothes and makeup I wear. Maybe I'm objectifying myself because of that, and maybe now that means everything I wrote is just a huge contradiction, but I wear and do the activities I want for ME, not so I can gain the acceptance of others, but so I can be and express myself in my own way.

So hopefully you read all that and it all made sense, and now here is the outfit I wore on Friday. It was kind of crazy and I was told I looked very 80's and "Madonna-esque," which made me feel super awesome considering I fricken love Madonna and the 80's.

(click the photo for a larger view)

H&M floral skirt, thrifted lace top, Cotton On floral shoes, Lady Gaga t-shirt from the concert, necklace was a gift-company unknown. Socks from Forever 21.

vests are best

I wore bulletproof vests, and my bodyguards had the option of having bulletproof vests - I bought five sets. -Ernst Zundel

Today I was feeling angsty, tired and lazy as I was getting dressed, and as of now I'm still feeling angsty and tired and lazy which is most definitely the reason it's been 4 hours since I've been home from school and I still haven't done any of my homework.

I really wasn't in the mood to have to think about what to wear today, so I decided to go for an "Angela meets Rayanne" sort of look where the outfit looks randomly thrown together, but also defines "tired teenager who doesn't care but at the same time does care and wants to look cool and love her outfit but doesn't have the energy to think or try on stuff and take off stuff so she just pulls out the basics and throws them on along with the attitude of I don't care if I look like crap, because I know that I look so crappy it's morphed into a STATEMENT outfit and I know this because I can feel your eyes staring me down with jealousy." (reality: someone shoots me a weird look. my eyes dart back and forth. "what, what? Did a bird just take a dump in my hair? TELL ME! I don't want to smell like endangered feces all day!" Person looks uncomfortable and walks away.)

Usually, my favorite thing to wear to school is my lace collared shirt under anything, paired with a random cardigan and then a skirt/shorts/pants (not all at once, usually only one of the three, I swear.) And then if I wear shorts/skirts I like wearing patterned tights/colored tights/and or leggings underneath because I like my outfits to be exciting and original because getting dressed is fun and I like looking like a creative individual who defies societies stereotype of teenage girls, because I just love defying stereotypes. (wait, what?). I also hate shaving my legs because it's a huge hassle and tights/and or leggings allow me to do that less frequently. Yay to stubbly legs!

Sucks/is awkward that I love wearing patterned tights/leggings due to the fact that I don't own any and desperately need to buy some, but sucks for me because that really isn't likely due to the fact that I tend to spend all my money on Reese's at lunch/break and/or Cup Noodles because I tend to eat all my packed lunch (courtesy of my mom) at break, leaving me super hungry at lunch. (Sidetrack Eva? Um, yeah. Oh, wait. Not really... um, this is kind of awkward so I'm just going to stop and go back to my potential point.) I really need/want desperately to have some patterned tights. I'm really open to all patterns, especially newspaper, skulls, Jesus, Frieda Kahlo, Kelly Osbourne, or Audrey Hepburn designs because those happen to be some of my favorite things ever. Well, not really Jesus. I'm not religious, but he looks cool printed on things and I totally respect him as a person and all his accomplishments throughout his life back in the day.

Notice how incredibly awkward I always look in the pictures I take? I used to try and look decent/"modelesque," but it's come to the point where all I really strive to achieve is a photo that doesn't make people feel so combatively uncomfortable that they turn away from the screen.

Sorry my outfit is so boring. I tried to jazz it up with this American Apparel vest that I got for $16 at a thrift store with my new HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS. I know right? Eva has friends! Don't worry, I'm shocked too. (no joke.)

I like using the Thesaurus on Dictionary.com because I like learning new interesting/knowledgeable words so I can sound smart and disguise my teenage laziness with a charade of intellegence for once, because I enjoy being smart and getting the most out of my education while learning new and interesting vocabulary words to use in my drab English papers.

I'm wearing an American Apparel blue vest, Hue corduroy jeggings from Nordstroms, oversized pullover from Wet Seal, a random chain worn as a necklace I bought at the fabric store, a headband from J. Crew, and I was wearing grey ankle Ugg boots from Nordstroms but I was feeling lazy and didn't want to wear them while I took pictures because I just really wasn't in the mood to walk downstairs and put my feet in a pair of boots.

Oh yeah! And that collage in the background is probably my most prized possession in my entire room. I made it myself out of pictures and cutouts from doubles I had of Teen Vogue and it took me ages and is now huge and big (4x3 feet) and beautiful. I'm really tired of my uber boring walls so I've planned to decorate them with colorful and interesting images and nick-nacks of all sorts that inspire me and make me happy when I'm dreading having to do things I hate, such as homework and studying, which is ironic since I just declared I love learning.

(click the pictures if you want a larger visual)

speak to me of the dark gifts

“Speak to me of the dark gifts, I use them, I`m gentleman death in silk and lace, come to put out the candles.” -Ann Rice

Okay, so: my current fashion fetish is lace, patterned tights, cardigans, and lots of layers, OH, and collars. It seems weird to describe my current obsessions with the word fetish but whatever. I'm obviously way to cool to care about the typical way words are interpreted in society, but just because society is the majority/the dictionary doesn't mean they're right. jeez

Lace is basically my favorite thing in the world, and as my obsession with it grows I can't help but relate more and more to Danny from Grease and his addiction to cars and hair gel and trying really hard to be bad ass and cool which is clearly a major turn off to Sandy until she gets scared she will lose him so she changes FOR HIM (NO NO NO!) so he accepts her and then it turns out he loved her just as much before. No way! SURPRISE SURPRISE (insert sarcasm here).

And now that hair gel has come into conversation, it really wouldn't be right to talk about "hair gel addictions" without mentioning Pauly D. who is probably responsible for half of global warming due to his hair gel fumes and the dozens of bottles of it he probably goes through every week.

And then I found this picture while searching for pictures of John Travolta applying hair gel in Grease and it just makes you go "aww, so cute!" (insert hearts insert hearts) like lonely people do when they see puppies or fat babies or boy scouts helping old ladies cross the street.

I kind of love Grease to the extreme and when Sandy tries to go all bad girl for Danny it kind of makes me go insane because she just looks sooooo god damn cool even though her new look is totally not her. I'm totally diggin' the intense all black vibe that makes me think of all my favorite eras (eras? no! DECADES) as they flash before my eyes such as 50's! and 60's! and 80's! BAM! The random connection to the 80's is more so just because of Sandy's intensely permed/poofed/intensely curled/hair sprayed hair at the end when she goes all "bad girl" because I don't know about you and I don't know if I'm just insane, but permed/poofed/intensely curled/hair sprayed hair makes me think 80's!

I'm sad with myself and the "wonders" of google because I couldn't find a picture of Danny applying hair gel! Honestly, what the hayul. You can find pictures of monkeys eating bacon and yet no pictures of John Travolta as Danny doing his signature gelled hair comb back are in existence? Either google was destined to be a major disappointment or my googling skills are totally lacking. So even though a picture of John Travolta as Danny doing his signature gelled hair comb back seem to be totally non existent on google, at least in this picture the light beautifully reflects off his hair like diamonds, totally capturing the "i'm too cool4school" vibe you get when admiring his shiny head.

So at this point you are probably hoping and praying I'll shut up so you can see the pictures of my outfit, or you just skipped down all ready for the pictures, but either way: TADA. The pictures.

Here is my fab-tastic outfit that is super lacey and crazay cool. (yes, crazay. that isn't a typo, that is hip lingo for crazy because I'm just sound so cool when I act like those wannabe hipster moms trying to bond with their kids by acting like they can talk the talk.)

floral keds from Cotton On, Forever 21 shorts, Nordtroms cardigan, wet seal black lace shirt, thrifted white lace collared shirt, tiffany charm necklace, earrings from some vintage store, socks i stole from my friend.