paradise found paradise formed

I just watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I kicked my dad out of the living room so I could unabashedly grin and cry and be emotional without the hindrance of human interference.

It was honestly the most perfect movie I've ever experienced. I don't want to fangirl about it... it deserves more than that. If I am going to write about it, I want my words to be eloquent, because I feel the movie deserves that.

It was so relatable. If I were to be any of the characters, I would be Charlie mixed with Sam or Patrick. I don't want to go into explaining why though.

The movie helped settle my anxiety. It allowed me to feel at peace with my status as an unsuave, unpopular human being. I like being a misfit. I identify as a misfit... even within my friend group, I feel a little out of place. Which makes me sad in some ways. I wish I had friends that completely understood me and could see me even when I couldn't see myself. I think friends like that are so rare and I hope one day I find some. People change so much and so often that it's hard to really know people. As people change and discover themselves, it's like they lose part of themselves along the way.

Blogging has been becoming more of a search for inspiration rather than a sharing of things that inspire me. I feel rather dead at times and it is kind of bringing me down. I wish I could wake up and drive for hours with a friend, listening to music and screaming out the windows. I feel unsettled and it's bothering me. I can sense something is missing. Like, I'm supposed to have found something or someone already but I haven't, and now everything is going a little wrong. I'd just like to open my window one day and see what I'm supposed to be seeing, rather than blindly searching for something that doesn't want to be found.


  1. Eva, your writing is so utterly beautiful.

    I kinda know what ya mean, like, this restless feeling. I felt like this the whole winter, it was like "I need to DO something, something big and nice and notgreylikeeverythingishere." And nobody really knew how it was like and I felt quite lonely.

    Friends are rare. But you have your imaginary wandering grrrl gang which is awesome and friends and stuff.

    Again, I loved this.

    And I need to watch this movie argh I am like the only one who hasn't seen it yet!

    Someone recently closed a comment with "may the glitter be with you" and it was like the coolest thing ever so I'll use that here, too.

    May the glitter be with you.

  2. Everything you said, I am totally feeling. We should be friends Eva, I swear!

  3. I'm speechless.

    Which technically is irrelevant since typing doesn't mean I have to talk.

    Ok, then emotionally and mentally speechless.

    This beautiful and I have so much to say but I'm tired.


  4. I absolutely totally relate to you about Perks of Being a Wallflower. That movie made me cry, but it was kind of meloncholy.

  5. Couldn't have typed it better myself; you've summed up The Perks beautifully.

    - Heather -
    // surreal-realm.blogspot.co.uk //

  6. Yes, everything you said, so much. And Perks was so perfect, just incredible. <3

  7. Then I must watch it! Thanks for sharing!!



  8. Hey Eva!

    I know I don't comment a lot on your blog, but I'm letting you know that I do frequently read it because I think you just write so beautifully and your words always seem to speak to me (not to mention, the photographs on your blog are simply gorgeous. You are definitely NYU-material!). Anyway, this post really struck something with me... no, I've haven't seen Perks of Being A Wallflower yet, but the rest of your post just has made me realize something about my life and my friends.

    I've always felt like I was a bit out of place with my friends too. They would all have something in common, and then there would be me, and I would either be the awkward, odd one out. I feel like none of my friends even like the same hobbies/things as I do, so it's always hard to try to relate to them. I have yet to find friends who truly appreciate the same things as me but also appreciates me as a true best friend. I haven't had a best friend since middle school (my old best friend and I drifted apart in high school) and I forget what it's like to have a friend who you can literally tell ANYTHING too, can spend hours on the phone just talking, can sit together in silence and just generally have a fun time together. I don't really consider the friends I have now as my "best friends" because, I don't know... they just don't connect to me like a best friend should.

    This is my favorite quote from your post: "I think friends like that are so rare and I hope one day I find some. People change so much and so often that it's hard to really know people. As people change and discover themselves, it's like they lose part of themselves along the way." Honestly I've just been waiting to find my own best friend but I know it's not happening any time soon. Maybe college will bring me some luck, but who knows? I just feel so alone sometimes and I don't know what to do about it other then just wish for it to pass on by. I just would like to find some real friends too who will understand me and then I won't feel like I need to put on a mask or fake something.

    Blogging has been a great outlet for me as well, and even though I don't blog as often as I would like, I hope to blog more soon, but not just fashion-related stuff. I want to branch out and do a lot more, and the reason why I devote so much effort into my blog and my projects is because I want to distract myself from the loneliness I sometimes get. It's hard to admit but it's true... sigh.

    Anyway, I wanted to let you know that if you ever want anyone to talk or vent out to, I will definitely be here for you! <3 Even though we may be online friends, I still want you to know that I'll listen to what you have to say. I hate that feeling of not having anyone to talk to or feel like no one understands you, and I would never want anyone else to have that same feeling. I'm always a Facebook message or email away! :)

    Okay, sorry for this long and dramatic post. Keep up the wonderful blog posts! :)


    PS: Sorry I haven't been working on Atelier Indigo lately... it SHALL return!


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