Hello hello.
Haven't posted for a while because I was away at this med program.
I learned a lot of things, the most important being I do not want to be a doctor.
I also learned I am more independent, social, and capable than I thought.
***
I am obsessed with adolescence. It's so sacred to me I can't even describe it. It's like the sun to our solar system, the other planets being the other periods in our lives, and while all our beautiful, none are as powerful, strong, or as bright as the sun.
I will be honest and say that while I do not regret any moments I've experienced throughout my teen years, there are definitely moments that are lacking. Like some photographs, these moments are bury and shattered with light leaks. I devour imperfection at a rapid pace. Flawed scenery, flawed people, flaws in nature, cracks on the sidewalk. Beauty is the unconventional, and like beauty, teendom is about the messiness, the sloppy moments, the blurry photographs that are shattered with light leaks.
Whether blurry or focused, light leaked or clear, I am still missing many photographs.
17, 18, 19. Those are the years I have left. Three years of teendom.
But we all know that 19 doesn't really count.
17, 18.
But when you turn 18, you're an adult.
17.
I feel like that's all I have left. Just one more year.
What then?
I want a collection of photographs. I want the light leaks, the blurred edges, the dazed expressions. The sloppy moments breed experience, story. Our past fuels our future, but what is to be our future will inevitably become our past.
What then?
lined woman drawing by Alexi K, photographs of american teenagers taken by Joseph Szabo, 1969-1988
