outta state outta town outta my mind

Hello hello.
Haven't posted for a while because I was away at this med program.
I learned a lot of things, the most important being I do not want to be a doctor.
I also learned I am more independent, social, and capable than I thought.


I am obsessed with adolescence. It's so sacred to me I can't even describe it. It's like the sun to our solar system, the other planets being the other periods in our lives, and while all our beautiful, none are as powerful, strong, or as bright as the sun. 

I will be honest and say that while I do not regret any moments I've experienced throughout my teen years, there are definitely moments that are lacking. Like some photographs, these moments are bury and shattered with light leaks. I devour imperfection at a rapid pace. Flawed scenery, flawed people, flaws in nature, cracks on the sidewalk. Beauty is the unconventional, and like beauty, teendom is about the messiness, the sloppy moments, the blurry photographs that are shattered with light leaks.

Whether blurry or focused, light leaked or clear, I am still missing many photographs.

17, 18, 19. Those are the years I have left. Three years of teendom.

But we all know that 19 doesn't really count.

17, 18.

But when you turn 18, you're an adult.


I feel like that's all I have left. Just one more year.

What then?

I want a collection of photographs. I want the light leaks, the blurred edges, the dazed expressions. The sloppy moments breed experience, story. Our past fuels our future, but what is to be our future will inevitably become our past.

What then?

lined woman drawing by Alexi K, photographs of american teenagers taken by Joseph Szabo, 1969-1988


  1. Wow, your writing is amazing, I can't really begin to organize my thoughts on it but I can say that it's sad, lovely, and beautiful at the same time.

  2. I tooootally get you. Today is my 16th birthday which is definitely attributing to the feeling of running out of this beautiful, burning age.

  3. 18 and 19 are a world of their own. So enlightening. Don't hold back and wish to stay 17, it will come and go, and it will be great. But 18 and 19 will be great too, you will get to experience the special moments and feelings of every age,20-50 and so on. You're such a unique girl as it is, that you will know how to embrace every age as they come. And in the future you can share your past adolescent views, memories, and and qualities (that you still will have too!) with others so they will always live on, and pass down. Don't be scared or sad, you'll have an awesome time!


thanks for commenting! ☀