how to succeed in modeling without really trying

Alright. So over these past 2-3 years of blogging and occasional outfit posting, I've learned a few things about how to look like a super professional supermodel in photos. I've broken it down into four easily achievable steps.

Step 1: LOOK PISSED. The most professional supermodels know how to look pissed in photos, like they just got dumped by their significant other or had a bad waxing job in the DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL zone. In order to pull this off, I recommend squinting the eyes slightly, tightening up your lips, and subtly flaring the nostrils. Make sure you think thoughts along the lines of, "That bitch stole my popsicle," and "If he catcalls at me again I'm gonna fart in his mouth." Here are some examples of how to correctly look professionally pissed.

Step 2: LONG AND POPPIN. This next tip comes in two steps. The first is lip poppin' and the second is neck extension. Even though Tyra said you should never do the duck face, we can all agree that she is totally out of her mind because what makes for a more super professional supermodel photo than the super cute and classy duck lips? To do this, just shove your lips out as far as possible like your gonna give a big wet slobbery kiss to your mirror. 

To accurately elongate your neck (because yes, it is a complicated science), you really have to channel your inner giraffe. Think LONG, TALL, RELAXED-YET-EXTENDED. Do not strain yourself, simply force your shoulders downwards, while rapidly thrusting your head upwards. If you put all these steps together, it should result in a Vogue-worthy shot.

Step 3: WORK THOSE ANGLES. Facial angles are one of the most important factors needed to achieve a super professional supermodel photo. Many photographers and fashion designers like high cheek bones and defined jaw lines, but what they don't realize is that the real gold is all in the chins. Chins are the gold mine of angles and hotness. You can pull off outfits made of porta potty toilet paper if you know how to rock the chins. To execute this, angle your head down and press your chin against your neck as hard as you can. Angle your face up, down, and to either side to capture the true art of the chins on camera. The finished product will look something like this:

Step 4: POSE LIKE A PRO. The secret to posing like a pro is all in your head. The key is to act like you know what you're doing, and pair that attitude with a face to match. Confidence is KEY. You can pull off any pose if you just think REALLY LOUDLY, "I AM IMAN." I went for a very avant garde pose here. KEEP IN MIND: I have a lot of experience posing like Iman and have practiced a lot, so don't feel discouraged if you can't achieve this on your first try. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, PEOPLE:

For all you modeling newbies, I hope this helped. Vogue told me to keep it quiet for a while, but they've asked me to be their cover model for the December 2013 issue. I am ecstatic, and plan to use a lot of these pro strategies so I look my best.