awkward aura

It is currently very rainy in my home citay. I have nothing against the rain, and I actually quite enjoy it and all the great watery-ness that comes with it and the opportunities to break out my rain boots and dance while jumping in puddles and enjoying a nice au-natural shower. The only thing I don't like about rain, is that fact that rain=cold, and cold=not warm, and typically the only solution to not warm is pants, and I feel like it's impossible to dress eccentrically and look like a half clown half 4-year old half grandma (please take a moment to admire my math skills) when you can't layer on the bottoms. Like today, I was totally thrown off by the fact that God was pissing all over my city, and I was completely unprepared to wear pants. I definitely go through style fluctuations, hence why I'm a style nomad/wanderer, but I'm currently in my I HATE PANTS stage, because pants are so boring. So in my state of confusion this morning, my brain just decided to take a huge brain fart and shit all over my state of capability, and I just... wow, words are escaping me because my sense of verbal description is just that inept. So anyway, I basically wore some vomit to school, mixed with a little shit, mixed with a little bit of wow I'm ashamed that when rain/God pisses on me my level of creativity just moves in with Patrick. I usually like what I wear to school due to the fact that it is USUALLY exciting/obnoxious/fairy-like/weird, and it helps me defy societies standards and give em' a big ol' FUCK YOU right in the face. I hate how society is always sending messages to people to be this and be that, and they seem to have forgotten that being yourself is actually the best option. This is one of the reasons I feel so uncomfortable when my outfit is in that betwixt area of "exciting" and "I was too tired to care this morning so I'm in my pajamas and if you give me crap about it I will kick your ass," because I feel like I'm half being myself, half being some random person. It's as though I've created a division within my soul! What usually happens to me on the forced pants days, is that the pants area is just like "drool" and the top area is just like "BAM." I know some people say a balance is good, but when I'm "balanced" I feel unbalanced. My version of balanced is either totally "DROOL" or totally "BAM." You can't be half drool and half bam, otherwise your aura just gets all wigged out and half your brain is pumping knowledge while the other half just needs a battery change. 

This is a great song by Soulsavers that expresses my hatred for an unbalanced/awkward aura in a scary yet pretty yet haunting manner, just like Bernard Herrmann's music tends to do. I also tried finding a song that somehow references rain as God's piss, but I guess I'm a lone believer in that theory, because I couldn't find any. 

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