Please at least read the thing that says READ THIS THING. But please read everything.
You guys probably recognize this outfit from my Rookie post. I just saw this photo of me wearing it, and I think I/my pose looks cool so I just decided to post the photo/outfit again. I feel like my interest in fashion is dying out. I think it's partly due to frustration, and the fact that I just have no idea what I like to wear or what my style is. I'm also just becoming really interested in other things, like school and art and writing. I'm also still just really, really, really not sure who I am or what my personality is (yeah how said is that I'm like, not even sure what my personality is. wutdafuck) and due to this it's really hard to know what I like to wear. I still love fashion and clothes, but I'm more into making and embellishing clothes and making pieces look really cool, rather than like, actually dressing "fashionably." Because like, nobody is fashionable, or should I say, nobody is UNfashionable. Actually, I'd rather just say nobody is fashionable. Being fashionable is just impossible, it's more about being creative. Like, what is considered "fashionable" just bores me half to death. Like, oh wow, impressive! A neutral colored maxi skirt with some Jeffrey Campbell heels and a sheer button down! WOW, FASHIONABLE. Sure, it looks nice and it's pretty and "stylish." But it's not creative or inspiring or different, and to me fashion is being creative and inspiring and different. It's about pushing boundaries. So I guess there are fashionable people, but to me you're only fashionable if your style is different and unique and inspiring. I don't think I'm fashionable, I'm just too lazy to be inspiringly daring. I don't even know what I'm talking about I'm tired. I wish I was fashionable but sometimes I don't have the confidence to dress super duper daring, or to like, dye my hair pink or get really short bangs. I think once I'm 100% confident and less angsty I'll dress better because I'll know myself better.
These are masks from my mask collection. So far I have three masks in my collection. I'm hunting for more. I like masks because they're symbolic of the changes teenagers go through and how we're constantly adopting different characteristics and personalities as we try to discover who we are (ignore the cliché).
READ THIS THING
I'd also like to report that English is still my favorite subject. Discussing books and eloquently presenting opinions and various representations of themes and other crud in books is literally like my favorite thing to do in school. We're currently reading/discussing Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, and we were talking about learning and blah blah, and I said something like 'In Siddhartha, Siddhartha and Govinda and all the characters are able to choose their own path, and can learn what they want. They don't need to rush to understand anything or blah blah, and in school, we are learning in order to take tests and go to college. We have to understand things in time to be tested on the material, and there isn't any time to muddle through things. We aren't really learning for ourselves, because we need to learn certain things so we can be judged on how well we've learn them. It's not about how what we learn affects or changes us, it's about how well we learn what we need to learn in order to please the people who partake in deciding our future.' You know, something like that. People in my class responded and understood and stuff, and I was really happy I said it because I think it brought up a lot of interesting points, and made people think, including my teacher, who I'm not sure if I insulted or not. I don't think I insulted him... but who knows. He seemed kind of amused when I said it, but I'm not sure. What do you guys think about what I said though? Agree, disagree? LET'S HAVE A FAKE ENGLISH CLASS AND DISCUSS SAID PASSAGE IN THE COMMENTS.
Oh, and I drew another pepper. I'm like, obsessed with drawing peppers. What do you guys think? I need to work on the highlights for sure...
I feel the exact same way about fashion. Sometimes you just feel so un-inspired....
ReplyDeleteAww.. I can feel you on that one. I'm starting to get a little uninterested in dressing myself up in an 'inspirational' way. It sucks even more since my planned future revolves around being creative through clothes (Miracle Eye), so that just puts so much more pressure onto my shoulders to make shit CRAZIER. But sometimes I feel too lazy so I just lose interest. I'd rather draw or watch movies and review them. I don't know. We're both lost. Lost buddies?
ReplyDeleteDUDE, RIGHT? Like, everything I've ever liked and been interested in has been creative in some way, but like, how am I supposed to do creative and daring things if I can't even dress creatively? And I want to be seen as creative, because I identify as creative, but how can I identify as creative if I don't even have the guts to dress cool. Life, man.. the fuck.
DeleteI very much agree with your passage but at the same time it is difficult from a school perspective, to develop a system that works for the majority that is effective and as fair as possible. And then if you fall into the minority it doesn't work for, then unless you have serious motivation it's really tricky to be accepted as 'satisfactory' so your only other choice is to go the route that everyone thinks is 'alternative' and 'lesser' in value, as if it's for failures.
ReplyDeleteFashion wise, a personality wise: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHO I AM! I love to change every day.
AH, dude!! I love that!! In some ways, I do want to keep changing, but I also want that foundation, you know?
DeleteYes oh yes I know. I have tried for a long time to try and think of a way to describe my style and I really can't do it. But yet I know exactly what I like and don't like. I think we think style is a fashion, but it's not. My style is exactly that, my style. It can't fit into a particular word or category or whatever. It's just what you get good vibes from. Seriously, vibes are like my life. They are the only way to describe what can't be described.
DeleteAlso I read your new post and sorry if this is annoying but I pretty much agreed with everything you said.
Beautiful pictures dear <3
ReplyDeleteSandraB.ro
I think I know what you're saying. In school we don't learn things, they are just rammed down our throats until we remember them. In life we have to actually learn things from experience. If you read a book I think you should just let it sink in, think about, think about how it affects you, does it change your perception on things? Does it change how you act in some way? Rather than having some teacher force feeding us information, we should think about for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI just had a thought, if you're into talking about books and stuff you could do a book club on your blog. We could have more fake english classes! (cause I enjoyed this one)
Yes. Yes to everything.
ReplyDeleteNumber one, I totally agree with the first part. For me, personally, I know what is trendy and LOOKS GOOD and is ~flattering~ but I actually prefer to wear the ugliest combinations possible. Like, I *know* that a ruched ankle length skirt with a button down and some random scarves is about the MOST UNFLATTERING THING YOU CAN POSSIBLY WEAR but hey! I wore it to the first day of school last year. (http://under-a-bridge.blogspot.com/2011/09/trolls.html) I don't know why, but for some reason, going to the thrift store and picking out the UGLIEST thing I can find satisfies me. And I think that's okay.
About the second thing, have you seen the movie "Race to nowhere"? It's a great movie and it absolutely backs up everything you said. I think the whole education system is pretty screwed up, and besides those one or two great teachers, the information is just thrown at us for us to throw back up! The trick for me has been to find those one or two great teachers who DON'T teach to the test. For example, last year my English teacher wasn't challenging me intellectually enough, so I went to my seventh grade English teacher and we had a mini English class once a week at lunch! It was GREAT and since there WAS no test for that, it was purely a deep learning experience. (I absolutely love that teacher... in her class we had only one test that year and that was the state test so it doesn't even count.) I know that's not possible for everyone, so in the end I do agree. I agree with everything you said.
(I hope that made sense)
Love,
Gwen
I totally agree with everything. To be honest, I guess I've never really been interested in fashion. It is like a list of things which you get, I dunno, fashion points for if you wear them. It's kind of not about what you think looks good, but about wearing the stuff that has been decided fashionable that season. To be honest, the whole high fashion industry irritates me. I'm just sometimes interested when I really love the clothes.
ReplyDeleteSomething else that annoys me is the way fashion blogging is now. I mean, to be a successful fashion blogger you have to be exactly the same as all of the other fashion bloggers. So, good figure. They generally all look pretty similar. You have to have a nice writing style and a pretty white blog and wear the same clothes which aren't really that out there. It bores me. Arabelle of fashion Pirate talks about it here (http://www.fashionpirate.net/2012/02/state-of-fashion-blogging.html) and it's like... perfect.
So yeah... the whole fashion thing bores me as well. I'd say that I'm interested in style. What normal people wear... I still love to hunt down pictures of awesome outfits and stuff. And I'm kind of the same. I find it hard to wear a blue wig outside without being way too paranoid to have a good time.
Also school. YES! Like we don't learn for the right reason. We learn for tests. We need to succeed those tests to get a job but... what about life skills?Like how to handle money and stuff. This tumblr post (http://astrorice.tumblr.com/post/30018479977/things-i-never-learned-in-high-school) pretty much sums it up.
Also, (god this is a long comment) I know what you mean about not knowing what your personality is. I've been watching my so called life, and this (http://dayzeesdynamite.tumblr.com/post/30731712415/amy-scanlon-people-always-say-you-should-be) scene really got me thinking. Like, aren't all people the same deep down, really? We can all be funny and kind and aggressive and shy. TV shows and movies make it seem much more basic, like one person is only aggressive, loud and mean and another person is only sweet, quiet and cute. And then theres all the people telling you to be yourself, and it's like well what exactly do you mean by that? It's pretty hard to define what you are. I hate it when you have worksheets or something in school and you have to write down words that describe you. Okay, where to start... You could make the list go on forever, because a human being can be, if they want to, every personality in the world. People should stop expecting us to know so much about ourselves. It's not like that.
DeleteI don't really think anything really is fashionable. One of my favorite quotes (from the twilight zone) is "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" I hate to see how being a blogger makes people asume that you wear maxi skirts and really hideous jeffrey campbell lita's. I also really hate how subjective getting dressed in general is. I can't go to school dressed the way I WANT TO without people making snarky comments and asking me if I drop acid (which I don't). It's so hard to dress unappolegtically (ughh blargh sorry for spelling) without feeling that the whole world's motive is to take a nice little shit on your face. We're all forced as you said to learn to be "good at life" but what does that even mean. My brain works differently then a lot of people (really) I am a very abstract thinker and because of that I test horribly. I'm a smart individual but my SAT scores suggest otherwise which isn't really fair.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on this one, I just feel really lost and swallowed up by negative connotations toward my style and way of life. As Ray Bradbury eloquently stated: We live behind the seven veils of unreality.
There, rant finished.
DUDE omg this is like, EVERYTHING. I'm basically just incapable of dressing unapologetically and 100% crazy and weird. It's so super inspiring you can. I also COMPLETELY understand what you mean about being an abstract thinker. I'm not really sure if I'm an abstract thinker, but I for sure think a lot, because my "fashion" blog has kind of turned into a fashion/art/philosophy blog... haha. But yeah, I test HORRIBLY on SAT's. My SSAT score was like, in the 40th percentile. I'm a smart person though, I do well in school and I can articulate my thoughts eloquently and stuff, but it's just so frustrating that our level of intelligence is tested in such a concrete way! I just hate society sometimes.
DeleteI feel the same way about fashion!! Sometimes I look at my closet full of clothes but I can never decide what to wear because I feel like the items in my closet are too boring and too typical! I never know what to do!
ReplyDeletehttp://bellalurosa.blogspot.com
I totally get what you mean. I'm 15 and I'm literally TORN between the three worlds of Japanese fashion, Feminist fashion and Popular fashion. I seriously don't even know. Sometimes I will go out looking like my name is Michiko or something. Sometimes I go out looking like a Courtney Love rip-off and sometimes even like MY FRIENDS who dress in 'popular' clothes. It's hard... I don't even know what fashion I want. On the other hand, we have the same Docs. And I'd like to take this opportunity to brag that I got mine for 5 dollars at goodwill. Oh how I miss the U.S. (I live in the Philippines.) OKAY THAT WAS PRETTY LONG SORRY I JUST THINK WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON AFTER STALKI-- I MEAN.. READING YOUR BLOG AND WHATNOT
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