livin' life, man

I left for a while. Don't know why. I guess I just started livin' life, man, more so than recording what I wanted to experience. Funny though, because nothing monumental happened to me. I've been feeling extremely creative, but not in a repressed, "no time to create" way, but more so in a "wish I knew what I wanted to create" way. I'll put pen to paper, and attempt to write, but it's like I am missing a piece to the puzzle, and there is something preventing my words from flowing together to convey the message I'm trying to express, or read like the story I'm trying to tell.

Writing formally is extremely difficult for me. The organization of thoughts is a concept my mind has yet to grasp. My brain functions like my bedroom-in a constant state of disorganization, and yet I can always seem to find what I'm looking for. 

I don't understand why teachers stress that writing needs to be organized, needs to flow methodically. I can only organize my words the way my brain expresses them, and for some reason, that just doesn't seem good enough. Writing has become so methodic, and it pisses me off that expression is now being taught to be a systematic formula rather than an expressionistic medium. 

I still feel like I'm living with this weird haze over my head. Like I'm stuck in a fog that is some how repressing me. I feel like I'm trapped in my own body, or trapping something within my body, that is preventing me from leaving the fog and seeing things clearly.

And yes, my vision may be 20/300, but the fact that the lenses to my glasses may be thicker than George W. Bushes skull is not the reason for my inability to really see things. 

I'm officially on the edge of seventeen, livin' the life of an almost sorta adult. I'm trying to hold out on teendom though, because I love everything being a teenager represents. 

How do I go about telling a story? How do I go about telling my story?

I have no story to tell.

I have no movie-like experiences that make my stomach turn into a haven for butterflies.

I have no experiences that make my heart swell and my head feel like a feather.

But everyone has a story to tell. 

Alright, fine. But I want mine to be great.

i am UO

one of my best friends, Emma

my other best friend, Michala, and me

Clothes via UO, AA, and DSW.

All worn with swagger and sass

photos from my birthday, from those foggy daze, and from life, man.

journals rock

Currently busying myself with procrastination and blogs. It's funny how everyday I say to myself, "Eva, when you get home from school, you will not wait to do your homework. You will just do it." And yet, every day, I come home, and suddenly it's seven o'clock and I've waisted four hours of visual internet excitement via blogs/youtube/magazines/tumblr/facebook, and all I want to do is sleep and eat and burp and not do my homework. This really has to stop.

I'm always able to get my homework done, but my rate of exhaustion during the time it takes me to finish my homework drives me perpetually insane. I've been feeling so stressed out lately and fatigued and just so anxious for summer/freedom/fun. I like school, but at the same time, everyone needs a break after a while. I commend those kids who can tolerate those year round schools. I don't think I'd last.

Anyway, I've been writing like a psycho lately in my journals, which I love. I actually just finished one yesterday that I'd been writing in since 2008! I started writing in a new one today, and it feels like I'm telling a stranger my innermost thoughts and secrets. Funny how you can get so attached an inanimate object. My new journal has a cool cat on it, and it's small and square. My grandma and grandpa gave it to me a few Hanukkahs ago, and it has some random blurbs from 2008 and some crappy skirt drawings and shitty Hebrew written in it.

All my cool journals. The top left (orange) is the journal I just finished. The one with the white heart to the right is where I record inspiration/lists of cool people/things/blog ideas/fashion stuff. The small cat one is the one I'm currently writing in. It has tons of embarrassing crap from 5th grade that I "forgot" to photograph.The quality of the photos all suck. I know. I can't wait to start writing in the Beatle's journal I got at Walgreens. It's the one right below the cat one with the circles.

Who wouldn't wanna wear this bad boy.

I was even a great writer then, I know. My articulation and clarity was just unfathomable.

This post is short, but I just felt like doing a brief post on my day/feelings and stuff.

Do you keep a journal/diary?