gotta love gotta love

Tried to write something meaningful. Couldn't write for shit. So yeah whatever...

Gotta love gotta love.

Being human is difficult. Sometimes I feel like my bouts of brief, depressive moods are inadequate and stupid, because I am fortunate and lucky and haven't been through extremely difficult, life changing experiences. I have a nice home and a nice family and I go to a nice school and I'm surrounded by nice people. Sometimes I feel guilty for hating everyone and being unhappy and wanting to run away, but then I remember that what I have been through is valid and I'm allowed to feel angsty and sad and unhappy and repressed and stressed out and angry once in a while. I think it's important to have perspective on situations, so if your brother smashes your favorite record, yeah it sucks ass, but at least your face didn't get smashed by some psycho on the street. Records are replaceable, your face is something that would be a little more difficult to repair.

I don't know if I'm the only one to feel guilty about being unhappy at times when I'm an extremely fortunate person, but I've learned that it's important to recognize that feelings are never inadequate or unworthy, and that having a home and having security in varying circumstances does not mean you aren't allowed to feel sad or angry or repressed sometimes. I think being off the wall emotional is healthy. Don't hold it in, just let it out and scream! 

blind eyes looking inside

The other day I spent daunting hours filling up endless pages in my journal about my crush as well as angst and dream dates and roof-sittings while staring at stars. I think the world is quite the beautiful place, even in its deep despairing misery, but in saying that, I also recognize its ugly, twisted shadows and burdening clouds of sadness. I see its blackness, its eerie, irking, lurking presence. I don't really know if I'm seeing it yet... seeing reality, what is and what isn't, seeing myself when I look into the mirror and being able to say, "Oh, hey, yeah, that's me. That's me, right there in the glass." I think blindness comes in many forms. There is physical blindness, where your eyes have lost touch with your body, and there is emotional blindness, which is when your vision is clouded with perpetuated delirium. It's hard to know how to wipe your eyes clean of that mist, because after a while, after a long, long while of having your vision clouded over with conformity, expectations, depression, and exhaustion, you lose your sight, the sight that lets you see inside yourself, which is the most important form of sight. If part of teendom is losing yourself only to find yourself again, how can you be sure you'll ever find yourself after you've been unable to look inside your own mind for so long and read your thoughts clearly, as if they were forever uninhibited? I'd like to see again. 

snail mail of the modern era

I received this email the other day. I liked it a lot.

Hi! 

My name is Caroline. I'm a fifteen year old girl living in Boston, MA interested in paiting, drawing, writing, singing, dancing, foreign languages, math, cities, clothes, feminism, food, and falling in love. Some of my favorite things are flowers, Frida Kahlo, pretty dresses, chocolate, long hair, and pretending to be a little girl. I found your Tumblr pages through Rookie, which I read obsessivley, and now follow your every post. I would love to be your slave. 

Sincerally,

Caroline

After reading it, I responded.

wow i'm actually in desperate need of a slave right now... thank you so much for reaching out to me about this. it kind of worries me that your desired profession is that of slavery, but i won't argue as i encourage and believe in slavery, especially when the slaves are my own.

i hope i can one day consume your soul and eat your brain, lavishing in the brain juice that drips down my chin.

since you seem so keen to become my slave, and i willingly accept, i am also curious if you'd care to become a contributor for my collective The Wandering, which is a collective for art and written related things by teens. if you want to join the team (of my slaves) and become a contributor too, respond to this email from your slave cage that i just dumped you in, with a yes full of ardor or a no full of sullen angst. of a response with angst of any kind as i really enjoy angst. 

all you would have to do is submit anything moderately creative (videos, poems, frozen vomit photography, etc) at least 3 times a month, but i always hope that my slaves will submit more than 3 times a month.

i also really like you and stuff because you are kind of really cool so would you also like to become a weekly diarist for Teenage Diary and submit a weekly diary on Monday, Tuesday, or Thursday about your life of slavery and angst and anything you care to type out and share with the world. i hope you say yes. you rock.

godspeed from a jew,

eva

floating entities. liberal water. purple sunlight. fiery daughter. no need to fight. no need to die. i see your soul resting within your eyes. it burns it blazes it has a crimson glow. the curtain folds to end the show. the black and white tile. the endless rooms. a dancing man predicts your doom. a giant towers into the sky. his vows boom down far and wide. the moon glows white the stars shine through i see the light i see life too. you die to live you live to die i love to live i hate to cry. the voices shout within my head. ideas spinning weaving led- to life to freedom to happy endings. to hope to tears to desolate spendings. to mistakes to worries to escape and breath. to life to teendom we have everything left. our soul is our blanket our harness our aid our spirit is floating dulling our blade. the sun is my savior the moon is my anchor my ship is afloat, sailing till day turns to night. flight.

by me.

oh poems. i love them.

that's so 70s

I love the look of extraneously long, light hair. I think it's absolutely perfect. 

Petra Collins

Drew Barrymore photographed by Mario Sorrenti, 1996.

“I am very much in love with no one in particular.” -Ezra Miller

Petra Collins

Petra Collins

Sylvie Fleury

Nothing much to say as of late. I've basically just been diggin' 70s fashion and vibes lately; all the golden and sunset hues are kind of fueling my life and inspiration for art and aesthetics right now. Some 70s fashion is really bad, but other 70s fashion is absolutely perfect and incredible. 70s photography is also something I deeply enjoy and love with a burning passion. The 60s and 70s were really great time periods - ignoring the oppressions - because they were time periods of change and personal growth and discovery. It was all about the individual and living for one's self rather than trying to plan out a career path that would provide you with the biggest income. I like that. I watched this documentary yesterday called craigslist joe and it was kind of incredible and so inspiring and moving. It got be really excited about life and my future, and the opportunities I will have to explore later on. 

I've also been trying to be more creative in my journals and diaries. I usually just use them to vent and rant about things, but I want to collage and draw in them more and make each page beautiful and special. Minna's and Tavi's journal(s) really inspire me, and so do a lot of the submissions I receive from Teenage Diary.

outside the lines

“Why do some folks feel that transgender people need to disclose their history and their genitalia and non transgender people do not? When you first meet someone and they are clothed, you never know exactly what that person looks like. And when you first meet someone, you never know that person’s full history. Why do only some people have to describe themselves in detail—and others do not? Why are some nondisclosures seen as actions and others utterly invisible? Actions. Gwen Araujo was being herself, openly and honestly. No, she did not wear a sign on her forehead that said “I am transgender, this is what my genitalia look like.” But her killers didn’t wear a sign on their foreheads saying, “We might look like nice high school boys, but really, we are transphobic and are planning to kill you.” That would have been a helpful disclosure."

-Dylan Vade, San Francisco Transgender Law Center

I literally always wonder about this. Like, why do the "minorities" of society; the people who are different, or "beside the norm," have to justify and explain and clarify who they are, what gender they identify as (if at all), whom they are attracted to, etc. To me that's inequality. 

And why do those of us who do fit "the norm" not have to explain ourselves at all? One day I will come out to my parents and say "Mom, Dad, I like boys." They'll probably be confused, but I mean, if gay and lesbian and other non-straight people have to come out, why don't straight people need to? Like, why does anyone have to come out at all. Why does anyone have to explain why they got gender reconstructive surgery, or why they didn't, or why they were born into the wrong body or why said boy is attracted to other boys. Like, WTF?! Why is it wrong to be a person? Is there a right way to be a person? Is there a right person to be? Are we all striving to become the right person; the person society views as correct and pure and justified? Why do some people see being gay as wrong? Transgender as wrong? Who decided there was a correct way to live, and whom the correct person to be is? And why do those who are not born "the right person," i.e. the right person being the person declared by society as fit and acceptable, subjected to having to justify, explain, and defend whom they are? It's infuriating and wrong. And sadly, I think religion has a lot to do with this ignorance. I think religion can be very powerful and very positive, and I think religion is important, but it can also be the source for destruction and disunity, as can many other things. I think the world can be very sad. I just wish religion didn't dictate or declare how society should function, and whom those within a society should be. I don't think anyone should dictate that. I just wish everybody could be happy and accepted for being whom they are and not have to worry about being ostracized if they are different.

gay pride parade, San Francisco 1960s

lost in paradise

"At school, I was suffocated by the amount of normality I was subjected to. I knew how to count, yet they, the teachers, pushed all these complex forms of mathematics down my throat. I could read, but I wasn’t allowed to read what I wanted. I was force-fed the syllabus because it was deemed the standard. The norm. I was not particularly bright in that I could only absorb information that interested me. Anything else either put me to sleep or made me physically ill."

- Ray Davies

"I wish I could throw off the thoughts which poison my happiness."

- Frédéric Chopin 

"Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is."

- Eckhart Tolle

"You will burn and you will burn out; you will be healed and come back again."

- Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

"My God,” he gasped, “you’re fun to kiss."

- F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is The Night

"No one is a slut. “Slut” is a made-up word to keep women from having as much fun as men. A person who enjoys sex is just a person and a person who is a virgin is also just a person and everyone should lay off each other’s sex lives. Retire the word “slut” please."

- 20 Things We Need To Stop Talking About In 2013

crystal-eyes

I look at photos like this and I just develop these intricate plots for movies and characters and stories and stufffff.

this is a perfect scene for a movie.

SF via the 60s! SF: the happiest place on Earth.

After endless days turned to weeks turned to months of restlessness and various anxieties about wasting my life, I've finally achieved a sense of completion and accomplishment. As you are all probably aware of by now, I launched my two collectives, The Wandering and Teenage Diary. 

These are some pretty photos I adore. They have a glorious psychedelic vibe (to me) and I just really thoroughly enjoy them. I love shooting photographs with film, and I'm getting interested in experimental photography more and more. I want to try and build a kaleidoscope camera lens. It actually wouldn't be too hard, and it would produce the most incredible photographs. I really need a printer with a scanner so I can scan stuff onto my computer more easily. I've been getting really into drawing on photos I've taken and I want to share them on my blog. As of now I feel very much at peace with myself and with my previously lingering desire to accomplish something/feel like I was creating something worth while and doing something worth while.

Right now I desperately want to shoot a film, but I don't have a proper video camera or actors really. I have a super great story though. I actually have numerous stories I want to film. I think film is definitely a profession I'm interested in. It's combining everything I love: stories, writing, art, photography, shrine-making (set design), and fashion. Wes Anderson is definitely the person who inspired me to get into film making, even though (ironically) I have yet to make even one movie. 

the wandering teenage diary

School is officially back in session... *cries*
And it just so happens that now I am overflowing with creative energy, but without the time to actually be creative. Oh the timing of life.

Anyway, my two new collectives are now up and running. The first is called Teenage Diary and the second is The Wandering. Teenage Diary is, shockingly, a collective in which various teens of the world submit their diary and journal entries which I then go about posting on the tumblr. It's going really well so far and I've also started reblogging diary entries I come across.

The Wandering is a teen art and writing collective. I wanted to create a collective where creative and talented teens could have a place to post and share their work. So far we have about 10 regular contributors, as well as teendom, who submit things regularly (contributors) and spontaneously (teendom). I am totally down to get more regular contributors (who post at least three times a month), so if you are interested shoot me an email via stylewandering@gmail.com and I'll give you the necessary details.

I hope you all check out the collectives, and submit to both! Feel free to spread the word about the collectives AKA tumblr twitter blogs HM yeah sounds good.