The other day I spent daunting hours filling up endless pages in my journal about my crush as well as angst and dream dates and roof-sittings while staring at stars. I think the world is quite the beautiful place, even in its deep despairing misery, but in saying that, I also recognize its ugly, twisted shadows and burdening clouds of sadness. I see its blackness, its eerie, irking, lurking presence. I don't really know if I'm seeing it yet... seeing reality, what is and what isn't, seeing myself when I look into the mirror and being able to say, "Oh, hey, yeah, that's me. That's me, right there in the glass." I think blindness comes in many forms. There is physical blindness, where your eyes have lost touch with your body, and there is emotional blindness, which is when your vision is clouded with perpetuated delirium. It's hard to know how to wipe your eyes clean of that mist, because after a while, after a long, long while of having your vision clouded over with conformity, expectations, depression, and exhaustion, you lose your sight, the sight that lets you see inside yourself, which is the most important form of sight. If part of teendom is losing yourself only to find yourself again, how can you be sure you'll ever find yourself after you've been unable to look inside your own mind for so long and read your thoughts clearly, as if they were forever uninhibited? I'd like to see again.
I love the way you write <3
ReplyDeleteyour writing is amazing <3 it's actually perfect.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to you <3 I started writing a journal last month, and I find myself writing about similar things. Nice to know there are people like you out there who aren't afraid to say and post things that you do. You are so fearless, it's inspiring.
ReplyDeletei constantly think about if what is happening is really happening. Like today, I was really nervoius about school and for a minute I was kind of out of my body and had to reassure myself this was reality and somehow I couldn't believe myself. It was like myself looking at myself. It was like a weird kind of tug of war with myself versing myself.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if thats what you meant.
Anyway, amazing pictures. the second last one is so perfect.
something about this really resonated with me. I feel cheesy saying it but I don't care because sometimes I need to feel like there are other people who have experienced these sorts of feeling too.
ReplyDeleteI love to read your writing and your blog xx