where are the butterflies?

A mish-mosh of my thoughts. Of my brain.

I love butterflies. They are just so simple and beautiful and easy and nice and free. Disgusted by caterpillars... yet a lover of butterflies? The world is a sad place.

SMILE! You're alive!


Haven't worn a crown in a while.... a symbol of my seemingly increasing "outfit insecurity?" I hope not. I need to be brave!

The moment when I need to  pee  poop but I'm too lazy to get up.

I feel like life should be easier. I wish the stress and angst and anxiety wasn't a factor in growing up, but at the same time I feel like it's a necessity in order to fully mature and become smarter/cooler/wiser/more awesome. It seems unfair that you're intelligence is tested at school. I think the world is a pretty fucked up place, so I'm pretty dang thankful I live in such a pretty, somewhat surrealistic city. It always feel magical, overflowing with aesthetic pleasures that seem to reference my favorite movies, TV shows, songs, albums, and inspiring people.

Final exams don't test whether a student has learned a semesters worth of material, they test a students ability to memorize all the information they've learned in a semester. STUUUUPIIIIIIDDD.

It's weird how light and shadows transmit images to our MINDS.


My bedroom feels empty of a teenage presence.

Those of us who have a deep desire to live in another decade always seem to romanticize all the shit that took place. Like, the 60s, we all love the 60s, but do we love the oppression and objectification of women? Um, no. But we choose to ignore that it was there, ignore it's presence. It's pretty fucked up, but that aspect of "looking through rose colored glasses" is present in everything. We don't want to acknowledge the bad, upsetting crap, so we ignore it. It's a pretty bad habit, actually. You can't forget the horrible stuff that went on in days/months/years/decades past. Because you need to be aware of the horrible stuff, in order to grow, mature, learn, and appreciate all the greatness that goes on, and it's important to remember. You can't ignore the fact that the Holocaust happened, and that innocent people were MURDERED and KILLED and SCARRED EMOTIONALLY AS WELL AS PHYSICALLY. You can't ignore it, and you can't pretend it's not there, or that it didn't happen, because those people who went through that crap deserve to be remembered, and their suffering deserves to be recognized, which sounds weird, but it's true. They suffered so you could live a better life. The Holocaust was horrible and evil and makes me want to cry when I really think about it/read about it, but in some ways, didn't it almost have to happen? Or didn't something like it HAVE to happen? Because if it didn't, or if something like it didn't happen, we probably wouldn't have the laws that protect us against that stuff today. We all romanticize the stuff we don't want to be there, or the stuff we don't want to hear. We choose to ignore the stuff that upsets us, or convince ourselves it's less of an issue. Even in small things, like that snarky comment you said to your friend; you feel guilty, but you convince yourself they didn't hear, or they didn't care, you romanticize the moment so you can feel better. This ends it on a weird note... pretty narcissistic.

Nuns are pretty cool. They just intrigue me. Especially those awesome rebel nuns.

I think my style is gravitating toward a soft/whimsical/fairy-esque feel, which is bothering me? I feel like my style is.... labeling me? Is this weird? I just don't want to LOOK like a soft little bubblegum fairy. But at the same time, everything I put on just SCREAMS FAIRY. I like it, but I also don't...

1 comment:

  1. I love this caboodle of random thoughts! I often make lists of random stuff but no one but me ever sees them.


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