Meet my twin. Her name is Ave. We work together as evil geniuses while we attempt to take over the world and have absolute and complete control over all the cats roaming the earth. We deeply enjoy cats. In fact, today, I, Eva (not Ave) was at pottery class, and made a plate for my future cat Star Child, whom I've clearly already chosen a name for: Star Child.
We, Eva and Ave, are actually the daughters of Dr. Evil, who has taken it upon himself to inject us with all his evil abilities. We are now capable of seemingly impossible things, such as having 7 lives, hissing, seeing in the dark, and scratching people. Be jealous, you know you are not capable of such powers.
We are in search of our own cat army where we will feed them unimaginable amounts of catnip, causing them to get feisty, and then follow our every command, in hopes of receiving, yes, more catnip. Catnip, you see, is the key ingredient here. For not only is it the fuel for our cat army, but it is the kryptonite to your Superman. Your Superman, being Austin Powers. Yes, the man frozen for decades. Yes, the man thawed. Yes, the man who peed for endless minutes. Yes, this man is in fact, Austin Powers. Although we, Eva and Ave, are not stroking hairless cats (but rather two luxurious blue runt cats whom we have named Star Child and Wheat) we are, in fact, forcing our enemies to poop and pee in litter boxes, eat tuna, and file their nails with cat scratchers. We are ruthless, you see. Do not offend, or you will be next on the torture list. This is a simple warning from Eva and Ave: bow down, or get clawed.
LOOK AT OUR MUSCLES. BE AFRAID. WE ARE STRONG, ABLE BEINGS. WE WILL BITCH SLAP IF NECESSARY. WE ARE NOT AFRAID.