summer is upon us!

Summer is here! I can actually SMELL IT. The air in my room SMELLS LIKE SUMMER. Smells like teen spirit, eh?

My summer plans will most likely consist of photographing strangers and friends, the consumption of junk food, compiling disposable cameras, writing, reading, wandering, and sitting in fields at night with my chums! What fun!

School is officially over, freedom!

Freshman year was okay. I made like, 2 or 3 good friends, but I didn't really connect with many people, which is kind of a bummer. It's kind of forced me to be more independent, and I've definitely learned more about myself, and delved deeper into my creative side while developing new interests. I think I'm definitely more of that independent loner-y type at school who has friends and can have conversations with a lot of people, but just doesn't really fit in. I don't really feel like I fit in. And who knows, maybe I actually do fit in, but as of now, I feel like I don't really fit in. I just feel like nobody in my grade really enjoys the pass times I enjoy, like rapping and thrifting and screaming and reading books in fields and dancing around neighborhoods and going to strange concerts and talking awkwardly and making strange noises and pretending to be foreign at Starbucks and doing dances for money and food in public places. And who knows, maybe everybody actually enjoys doing these things, but nobody is vocal or expressive about it so we're all just secretly dying of boredom. I feel like I've been semi-introverted this year. It's just so weird transitioning from middle school, where you feel super comfortable in front of everyone, to high school and an overload of uncharted territory. I feel like I've kind of been withholding bits and pieces of my personality... because I want to be accepted? Perhaps...? Perhaps not? But then, at the end of the day, I'd rather be myself than be anyone else, which is definitely good. But then when I'm at school, I just feel so uncomfortable. I feel kind of ashamed that I get like that, that I turn into this semi-self conscious person at school, but I think everybody kind of goes through that. I guess it's human. I think part of the reason I'm a little reluctant to fully express myself and just be 100% me, is also in part because I'm still not really sure who I am. Which is such a cliché, but it just ties back to that "teenage discovery" crap. I guess the one thing all teenagers have in common is the fact that we're all still trying to figure out who we are. Hopefully I figure it out this summer.

look i have bowling shoes!

Please, take a minute here. I, for one, am at a loss for words. So let's all just take a pause here to really stare at and appreciate the beauty of these three pairs of shoes.

Okay that's enough.

LOOK AT THESE SHOES OH MY GOD I CANNOT HANDLE THIS MADNESS I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH HOLY CRAP! Look, the pair in the middle are actually BOWLING SHOES! They actually have the 6 on the back, because they are, in fact, a size 6! They are bowling shoes that I actually wear, and actually love, and actually bought at a thrift store for only twelve dollars! THIS IS INSANITY. And not only are these bowling shoes incredibly unique and stylish and awesome, but now I can go bowling in MY OWN SHOES! Goodbye, smelly/used/dirty/sweaty/gross/fungus infected bowling shoes of the bowling company, and hello to bowling shoes of my very own! I can now dance and glide and throw balls down a lane in the comfort of my own shoes! Life is life!

The mary janes are DOC MARTENS. How cool?!?!?!!??! ASKFH:AHUDGH I love them so much, and I actually wear them like, practically everyday! They are so comfortable and blister inducing free! They are the peanut butter to my jelly, fokes! They are the answer to my prayers!

The maroon Doc Martens are also BEAUTIFUL. I love them so much! But they gave me HORRIBLE blisters the first time I wore them. Any tips on how to wear them without shredding your skin off? I've only worn them once, but they look awesome and they don't make my feet look huge. I love them.

I feel complete now that I have my Doc Martens and my bowling shoes! What a wonderful life. By far the nicest shoes I've ever owned, too! HAPPINESS IS A REALITY!

16 Candles

I am officially 16 years old! I am at the pinnacle of my teenage years, and let me tell you, life is going swell. My birthday was on May 19, but I'm just getting around to posting about it because I really wanted to experience the essence of being 16 before I made a post about it and all the awesome shit that comes along with it.

First of all, I can finally sing along to this amazing song and have it actually be true! I am OFFICIALLY 16 going on 17. It feels great, I must say!

Second, I can actually have my license now! This isn't to say that I actually have my license, let alone my permit, but once I get my license I am free to venture into the world of Teen Road Trips! I actually had a conversation about this with my friend a few weeks ago, and he and I agreed that you cannot be a so called "teenager" without having the teen road trip experience of friends/no parents/adventure/soda pop/old beachie music/beaches/BOYS. Yup. Life is Life.

Third, I can actually watch Sixteen Candles and (since my family didn't forget my birthday) actually live vicariously through Molly since, in fact, her character is 16 while I am also 16! THE EXCITEMENT IS OVERWHELMING FOKES!

My birthday was moderately fun though. I say moderately fun because my friend's friend hung out with us for like, six hours. So I'm just going to tell you what happened and pretend like she wasn't there. I hung out with my two best friends, and we looked all cool and awesome. I wore this thrifted floral flannel, a hippie-headband-scarf-thing my mom gave me that morning for my birthday, some Doc Marten mary janes, and this little woven backpack I thrifted. And pants. Obviously.

My friend Sammy and her mom gave me this really pretty pink peony flower that I still have, and my mom gave me a bouquet of flowers too! They're in my room as we speak! Just permeating my room with flowery, springtime essences of joy! My other friend, Seána, got me this really pretty necklace that I broke and am meaning to fix, and then I got a camera from my parents, yay! Better quality blog photos coming soon, friends! Anyway, my friends and I went to this park and chilled on a field with tons of other hippie-esque people. Everyone in the park seemed to be stoned, but they were all really chill and nice and people were playing music and strumming their guitars and I was just totally overwhelmed with 60s/70s vibes. It was awesome. After that my friends and I went to eat at In N' Out Burger and it was tremendously satisfactory and delicious. We got to stare at random high schoolers going to their prom, decked out in ugly satin dresses with sequins.

Me looking glorious on my birthday!

Enjoy your lives, my humanoids! Summer is upon us! Life is, finally, life! The thrill awaits!

hmmm hello there

Hello I am alive! I'm back! Look, these words you are reading are appearing because my fingers pushed the computer keys making these letters/words/sentences appear! Yay for the anatomy that keeps me alive! The reason I haven't posted in forever is because my life has really been going places lately. I've been in almost every weekend studying and procrastinating... when I get home from school I eat, do homework, procrastinate, eat some more, and rewatch My So-Called Life... again. I mean, seriously you guys-my life is jam-packed full of excitement! Can't you feel this thrilling tension flooding through your veins? It's like some "Livin' the Life Glitter" has been sprinkled into my blood. What. A. Thrill.

I love Noah and the Whale and I love this song and I love the excess of primary colors that send Wes Anderson vibes directly into my soul and I love the unconventional beauty of the girl and her awesome/beautiful teeth and I love watermelon. 

Here, enjoy these delicious collages that are edible for the mind. I stumbled upon this amazing tumblr that just posts collages of the awesome/mentally edible/amazing/perfect aspects of life and stuff. These are just some random ones I really like.

Rachael Shankman and Sammy Slabbinck, live-by-evil and Audrey Smith, Gemineye6 and Kanchan Collage, Brandon Spence and Jesse Treece, Sammy Slabbinck and Allen Ginsberg, Brandi Strickland and Captain Spezzo.

where are the butterflies?

A mish-mosh of my thoughts. Of my brain.

I love butterflies. They are just so simple and beautiful and easy and nice and free. Disgusted by caterpillars... yet a lover of butterflies? The world is a sad place.

SMILE! You're alive!

Poop.

Haven't worn a crown in a while.... a symbol of my seemingly increasing "outfit insecurity?" I hope not. I need to be brave!

The moment when I need to  pee  poop but I'm too lazy to get up.

I feel like life should be easier. I wish the stress and angst and anxiety wasn't a factor in growing up, but at the same time I feel like it's a necessity in order to fully mature and become smarter/cooler/wiser/more awesome. It seems unfair that you're intelligence is tested at school. I think the world is a pretty fucked up place, so I'm pretty dang thankful I live in such a pretty, somewhat surrealistic city. It always feel magical, overflowing with aesthetic pleasures that seem to reference my favorite movies, TV shows, songs, albums, and inspiring people.

Final exams don't test whether a student has learned a semesters worth of material, they test a students ability to memorize all the information they've learned in a semester. STUUUUPIIIIIIDDD.

It's weird how light and shadows transmit images to our MINDS.

Psychedelia.

My bedroom feels empty of a teenage presence.

Those of us who have a deep desire to live in another decade always seem to romanticize all the shit that took place. Like, the 60s, we all love the 60s, but do we love the oppression and objectification of women? Um, no. But we choose to ignore that it was there, ignore it's presence. It's pretty fucked up, but that aspect of "looking through rose colored glasses" is present in everything. We don't want to acknowledge the bad, upsetting crap, so we ignore it. It's a pretty bad habit, actually. You can't forget the horrible stuff that went on in days/months/years/decades past. Because you need to be aware of the horrible stuff, in order to grow, mature, learn, and appreciate all the greatness that goes on, and it's important to remember. You can't ignore the fact that the Holocaust happened, and that innocent people were MURDERED and KILLED and SCARRED EMOTIONALLY AS WELL AS PHYSICALLY. You can't ignore it, and you can't pretend it's not there, or that it didn't happen, because those people who went through that crap deserve to be remembered, and their suffering deserves to be recognized, which sounds weird, but it's true. They suffered so you could live a better life. The Holocaust was horrible and evil and makes me want to cry when I really think about it/read about it, but in some ways, didn't it almost have to happen? Or didn't something like it HAVE to happen? Because if it didn't, or if something like it didn't happen, we probably wouldn't have the laws that protect us against that stuff today. We all romanticize the stuff we don't want to be there, or the stuff we don't want to hear. We choose to ignore the stuff that upsets us, or convince ourselves it's less of an issue. Even in small things, like that snarky comment you said to your friend; you feel guilty, but you convince yourself they didn't hear, or they didn't care, you romanticize the moment so you can feel better. This ends it on a weird note... pretty narcissistic.

Nuns are pretty cool. They just intrigue me. Especially those awesome rebel nuns.

I think my style is gravitating toward a soft/whimsical/fairy-esque feel, which is bothering me? I feel like my style is.... labeling me? Is this weird? I just don't want to LOOK like a soft little bubblegum fairy. But at the same time, everything I put on just SCREAMS FAIRY. I like it, but I also don't...

hello mickey

This is my favorite jacket. It's this semi-retro Mickey Mouse jean jacket from the disney store that blows the roof off my house with its awesomeness. I bought it from my friend for $3, and I wear it all the time. It definitely has some great 80s/90s vibes, which is perfect for my life and obsession with the 80s/90s. I feel like this 2012-ish era is going back to the styles of the 90s/60s/80s... grungy/neon/leggings/collars/bandanas/keds/ankle socks, etc, but then again maybe only my city is going back to those decades... WHO KNOWS. I am honestly so ashamed of how I've been dressing lately. It's just so mundane and typical, not original or exciting or daring or experimental at all! And I'm not hating on the more simple dressers or the world, I just really want to be a unique dresser, and I'm failing at doing so! I think part of the problem is that I haven't found my style niche, so I'm still trying to find my style comfort zone. I really need to start getting back into my weird-dressing stage of life. #YOLO (das da motto.)

I think my main issue here is that I am just extremely bored of my clothes, and I've basically exhausted all possible possibilities of ways to style/wear them. I just need to go on a major thrift store adventure and bring home a huge clothing haul of like, 20 items so I have TONS of new stuff to wear/style/make look awesome. I think awesome is an unappreciated adjective... people just feel that it's such a normal, boring adjective that they diminish all its great qualities and sassy essence.

POOOOOOOOOOOOP

Funk mood. Let's party.

teen spirit in a mundane fashion

I have been in such a terrible mood. I've seriously come home everyday from school and just wanted to crawl into my bed and cry. This makes absolutely no sense, considering usually my school days are decent. People are nice to me, I talk to my friends, make new friends, laugh, get good grades, and then I just get into these horrible mood funks and life sucks. I feel so selfish when I'm in those "ihatemylifeleavemealoneijustwanttocrywhydoesntanyonelikemeifeelsoalone" moods, because I feel like I really have nothing to be unhappy about. I have a really good life, and yet I'm still unhappy... WHAT IS THIS? I suppose this is most likely just the so called "average teenage girl mood swings" but it just SUCKS. I want to be happy, and yet I feel more unhappy, than happy? It's just so weird and life is so emotional and complicated even though my life really isn't complicated at all and is actually quite simple compared to most of the shitty stuff people go through.

Here is a playlist I made to help express teen angst and longing. I sound so mundane, it's kind of pathetic. I've seriously been so boring though lately. The reason I haven't posted any outfits recently is because I've been too tired to dress decently in the mornings. I'm losing my motivation, this is not good! I need to get some new clothes to help inspire my obsession for dressing.

I'm in the mood to post some photos, so here are some that have been on my desktop for ages. I've lost most of the sources, so if you know the source just let me know.

screen shot from The Heathers, four unknowns, poem by E. E. Cummings, Tim Walker, picture from Where the Wild Things Are, unknown, unknown.

I wish my life was like these photographs, all pretty and interesting and mysterious and quirky and stuff.